That’s a female Darwin bark spider, out of Madagascar, and much like the empowered internet women of the late 2010s who believe hyperbolic, performative, public misandry is the key to equality, she forces her male partner to perform oral sex on her 100 times during a single act of copulation.
One hundred times! That’s like, 99 to 98 times more than necessary.
The female bark spiders are much larger than their male counterparts and, according to a new study from Nature’s Scientific Reports, the female uses that advantage to force the male to spider tongue her so many damn times.
Man, I knew most human women took their cues from Beyonce, but lady spiders, too? This is getting out of hand.
Scientists have two theories as to why spiders, who I didn’t even know had tongues until today, have oral sex.
We find the following two explanations the most plausible. Oral sexual contact may signal male quality. This would imply the existence of cryptic female choice mechanisms, where females may bias paternity in favor of better quality males. Additionally, enzymes in the saliva could provide physiological advantage to the donor’s over rival’s sperm. This would be an adaptation for lowering sperm competition, and would function analogously to seminal toxins and aggressive sperm known in insects.
Not only that, she requires the men to do the act before, during, AND after sex.
Damn. I get the first two, but after? Is he like … eating his spider spooge out of her? That seems like an ineffective strategy.