Staples is that quiet kid who sits in the corner of the class wearing pleated khakis, a red collared polo, and a name tag that he hasn’t taken off since the first day of school. Everyone just assumes Staples is a loser because he and Radio Shack sit alone at lunch trying to fix their broken Sony Discman’s. The only time anyone speaks with Staples is when they need a pen or pencil for a test or the class printer is jammed.
When Kris Jenner, the rich, popular girl walks into class, she usually spits on a handicapped kid, calls anyone who hasn’t had a surgical procedure ugly, and spends the majority of class looking at herself on selfie mode on her iPhone 12. No one likes her, but she’s so inexplicably powerful, no one has the nads to confront her.
But today is a new era.
Kris just walked into class with this necklace she’s trying to sell for $175 to girls who just want to be in her senior square.
It’s fucking ugly.
But no one will–oh wait. Staple’s just stood up.
Staples, what do you have to say before wiping that horrendous snot out of your nose?
STAPLES! STAPLES! STAPLES!
I’m definitely shopping at Staples the next time I need something I’ll never use.