Survey Reveals When Its Acceptable To Fart In Front Of Your Partner, As If We Have A Choice

A recent survey conducted by Mic evaluated at what point in a relationship its acceptable to ass blast in front of your partner. This is assuming, of course, that farting is a choice. Personally, I’m a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ flame thrower. Farting for me is like hiccuping–when it starts the only thing I can do to defend it is hold my breath and remove myself from social settings.

But women seem to have more control of their buttholes than Kim Jung Un does of North Korea. I’ve been in multiple year relationships without hearing my girlfriend fire a scud missile, meanwhile I’ve farted before she knew my last name. It is truly a remarkable ability our lady counterparts have and I will forever tip my cap to them for their asshole control.

That is until my future girlfriend eventually panty burps, then all bets are off. But when will this happen? Maybe when I overcome my fear of commitment and allow myself to be in a relationship that lasts longer than an iPhone’s battery life.

Mic shed a little more light on the unknown by collecting answers from more than 125 people in their 20s and 30s on when the acceptable time to release a squeaker in front of your significant other is and here are the results:

The most popular time to end the fart-free fantasy is before your six-month anniversary, according to Mic‘s survey. Results showed that just a little more than half of people (51%) have farted in front of their significant other in six months or less of dating (22.4% did it after a few weeks, while 29% cut it between two to six months).

Meanwhile, 25.2% of respondents waited between six to 12 months to cut the cheese, when they really felt comfortable in their relationship.

Whatever the case, men have embraced their rectal tremors far more than ladies.


C’mon girls, if you want equal rights, get your shit together, literally.

[h/t Mic]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.