Jerkoff Texas Pastor Tells Children At The Mall That Santa Isn’t Real, Gets Confronted By Furious Dads

His name is David Grisham and he’s a Christian pastor from Texas who also moonlights as the devil. Listen, I don’t like kids. They’re needy, self-absorbed, filled with snot, and have never worked a hard day in their lives. But I genuinely felt bad for these little fuckers after this delusional, mentally compromised dickwad let the cat out of the bag and zapped the zest out of the world’s greatest holiday. I remember finding out Santa was a farce after I found an old Christmas list I sent Santa in my mom’s jewelry box when I was ten 16. It was like walking in on my girlfriend banging my dad. My world turned upside down, I questioned every truth I once accepted. But I took solace in the fact that at least I found out organically, on my own terms. To find out from a serial killer masquerading as a prophet from God would result in some serious long-term psychological effects.

Doing a bit of a deep dive (#investigativejournalism) on this dude, proves he’s even more of a psycho than the first video gives him credit for. Here’s a video of him literally blowing Santa’s head off with a rifle. To be a fly on the wall at this guy’s Christmas mass would be absolutely lit.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.