The Trump Campaign Responds To Claims His Sniffle Fit During The Debate Was Caused By Snorting That Booger Sugar

For those of you who watched the debate Monday night, it was tough to ignore Donald Trump sniffling more than your girlfriend watching a Nicholas Sparks movie on her period. I was just waiting for Lester Holt to bring him a tissue but he was too busy tucking his dick between his legs whenever he tried to control the chaos.

Governor Howard Dean, a medical doctor, told MSNBC’s Kate Snow that he believed the sniffles were caused by that Bolivian Marching Powder after shooting out this tweet:

“I’m suggesting we think about it. He sniffs during the presentation, which is something that users do. He also has grandiosity, which is something that accompanies that problem. He has delusions—I’m not talking about being crazy, but for example, when he told everybody it was very smart not to pay taxes and then denied he said it after he said it in front of 100 million people … It’s that he thinks somehow he’s not going to get caught. That is delusional. He has trouble with pressured speech. He interrupted Hillary Clinton 29 times. He couldn’t keep himself together.” [via Death and Taxes]

That’s quite the allegation, Deano, and the Trump campaign did not take too kindly to it. They released the below statement, implying that the governor was vying for attention.

“Governor Dean’s comment was beyond the pale and has no place in our important political discussion. On a night where millions of Americans were able to compare and contrast the policies of both candidates, Governor Dean went straight to the gutter and was nothing more than a sad distraction in a desperate attempt to stay relevant.”

Nothing would make me happier than finding out Trump locked himself in a stall before the debate and was snorting snow off the top of the toilet. I’d have no choice but to vote for him then.

[h/t Death and Taxes]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.