Thug Toddler Singing L.L. Cool J Has Definitely Killed Someone

by 5 years ago

Call me immature, but when I was three years old, I was perfectly content with singing the Barney theme song, shitting myself, and calling it a day. Can’t recall getting turnt up to L.L. Cool J’s “Going Back to Cali” and being able to distinguish ‘bass’ from any of the other sounds. When you’re three, sounds are sounds.

My one criticism for her is that if she wants to go full thug, she’s not helping herself with that outfit. Is she gearing up to go to a rap battle or an Easter egg hunt?

Kidding, little one, don’t stab me.

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.

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