Yesterday, Paul posted a fire piece aggregating chicks responses to a simple Reddit question: what are some weird things that almost every guy does but doesn’t realize it? Responses were priceless and Paul did a remarkable job adding his own commentary and holding the torch for men everywhere in defending things like taking hour-long poops.
Welp, as the old say goes, what goes around comes around, and it’s the mens turn to take a bite at the apple.
Redditor bobdoleraisetaxes proposed the question, “what are some weird things most girls do without even realizing it?” Believe it or not, the internet went a bit overboard with its responses (weird, I know), but some were absolutely spot on.
Here are some of the best, followed by some additions that I’ve gathered from personal experience.
They’re ALWAYS cold. Always.
Pulling up their jeans on the belt loops with the left-right-left ass swing.
Women don’t seem to be aware of back splash. It has happened more than a few times where I go to a females house and lift the seat to pee and the underside of the seat looks like a Jackson Pollack. I guess it’s because they never lift the seat and just don’t notice.
Saying they don’t want fries but eat half of mine.
Swear to god, women have an sop for this. It’s the slow migration of my hoodies from my closet into theirs. You don’t notice this though. Until she breaks up with you and that you realize you have no damn hoodies because your ex has absconded with all of them. In which case, you either enter into Iran hostage style negotiations trying to get one or two of them back, which is never your favorite under armor or Adidas hoodie by the way, or you realize that you don’t negotiate with terrorists and you make your sad walk to Kohls. Every fucking damn time. There’s gotta be a relationship prenup in here somewhere. (Editor’s note: genius)
Leave their hair pins… EVERYWHERE
I’m deaf and mumble but she hears and speaks perfectly. Also, no concept of competing noise.
Running Garbage disposal…
Female: <says something inaudible> Male turns off disposal: “what?” Female: “God you are deaf”
Posting motivational posts about how you should just be yourself and fuck all the haters. Or about how people always break your heart or betray you. And then the next day another post but how you’re so happy and life is amazing.
So many fucking pillows.
Shower shedding. It’s like Chewbacca trimmed his pubes every goddamn morning. Have no idea how every girl’s head doesn’t look like Larry Davids at this point.
Insisting “No go hang out with your friends” and then bitching you out for it 2 months later while eating dinner on an idle Tuesday.
Slowly beginning to hate every one of your friends.
Waiting six seconds after asking how your day was to launch into a 20-minute tirade on how her day was. My grandmother’s funeral was great, babe, thanks for kind of asking.
Turning the faucet on when she’s shitting.
Straightening her hair for a goddamn eternity. I’ve broken up, got back together, and broken up with my girlfriend in the time it took for her to straighten one strand.
Over time, losing the desire to fuck you with a strap on I mean uhh WHATTT
Reaching for her purse in slow-motion when the dinner check comes even when she has no intention on paying for a dime of it.
Breaking up with me because I go resentful of these things and eventually become a super-shitty boyfriend.
What you think, bros? What have I missed? Remember, be nice, one of these girls will be the mother of your bastard child one day.