An Australian woman who has known about a fucking prehistoric monster living in her roof for FOUR years was finally forced into action after the 16-foot, 66 pound python made its way into her bedroom. I haven’t seen a snake this large since the last MoFos porn I cued up. So last night. I haven’t seen a bigger since last night. Shit, that sounds anticlimactic. But I think we’re all in agreement when I say that MoFos dude has a rope swing.
The Scrub Python, which is likely Australia’s largest species of snake and can grow up to 27 feet in length, was so goddamn massive, it made its way onto Trina Hibberd’s bed frame while hanging itself from picture frames in the HALLWAY.
Trina was wayyy too casual when shooting this video.
Trina called animal services at 4 am to remove the python, which she nicknamed Monty, like a psycho.
In the comment section of her Facebook post, Trina said she was fairly certain the snake had been living in her roof since 2012. And she just continued living her life.
“He used to slither down into the pool area for a feed and a drink then slither back up just before sunrise unless he had a tummy full of food and got stuck. Am pretty happy that he’s gone. Snake catcher said he was a kangaroo killer.”
I mean, Trina. Come on. We’re all a bit reckless and complacent, but you should count your lucky stars that this fucker didn’t squeeze you into an early grave. If Subway Jared moved in next to you and your family, you’d probably take measures to keep yourselves out of harms way. Just because this snake doesn’t have a vast collection of kiddie porn and a windowless van, doesn’t make him any less dangerous. Button it up.
In More Frightening Snake News…
[h/t LADbible]