Sugar is so fucking awesome! So of course it’s so fucking harmful to your body because why would life be a bowl of cherries with delectably sweet granulated sugar sprinkled on the top. But if you can just do away with sacchariferous drug there are so many positives that you can attain. We’ve seen the amazing benefits that Sacha Harland received by giving up alcohol and sugar for just one month. If that wasn’t enough motivation for you to kick the sweets, then maybe seeing all of the magnificent benefits will help you kick your sweet tooth to the motherfucking curb.
1.) You Will Be Less Likely To Take A Dirt Nap Because You’ll Have A Healthier Heart
According to research from James J. DiNicolantonio, PharmD, a cardiovascular research scientist at St. Luke’s Mid-Atlantic Heart Institute in Kansas City, MO., your risk of dying from a heart-related issue will plummet threefold if you do away with sugar. “Added sugar chronically raises insulin levels, which activates the sympathetic nervous system, increasing blood pressure and heart rate,” DiNicolantonio explains. “Within a few weeks’ time, you might expect to see a 10% decrease in LDL cholesterol and a 20 to 30% decrease in triglycerides.” A 33 percent less chance of becoming worm food? Sounds like a great reason to stop eating Brownie Batter Oreo’s to me.
2.) You Will Be Less Likely To Take A Dirt Nap Because Of Diabetes
Your poor pancreas, the endocrine and exocrine gland that maintains the body’s blood glucose balance, was designed to break down foods like rabbits and lettuce. It wasn’t built to handle eating Milano cookies, hard cider and maple bacon donuts. So when it is inundated with all this sugar it freaks the fuck out. Diabetes is brought about when the pancreas is fooled so it stops producing enough insulin. Diabetes causes cardiovascular disease, stroke, chronic kidney failure, foot ulcers and damage to the eyes.
3.) Your Face Won’t Look Like You Slept On A Pillow Made Of Gravel And Appear Like You Have 33 Bee Stings
Drinking soda that is chock full of sugar and those who indulged in consuming one soft drink a day for three weeks saw their inflammation levels increased by 87 percent. That means that your face is going to have a shit-ton of acne. Which is just going to make it more difficult to slang dick.
4.) You’ll Be Less Likely To Be An Irritable Cunt
You eat sugar and you quickly have energy. However, it is only a short burst of energy and then your blood sugar levels dip. This causes you to be sluggish, fidgety and irritable. Maintain a even level throughout the day with several meals that aren’t packed with sugar and you’ll be more even-keeled.
5.) You’ll Sleep Soundly The Way Your Wife Pretends To Sleep When You Try To Initiate Sex
The crash from a sugar leaves you with sluggishness in the middle of the day. Sugar also triggers the release of the hormone cortisol, which interferes with sleep. And who doesn’t want more sleep?
6.) You’ll Be Able To Remember The Name Of That Girl Who You Banged In An Applebee’s Bathroom A Year Ago
Less sugar means more memory. An animal study at UCLA concluded a diet high in added sugar hinders learning and memory. Over time, eating lots of sugar may actually damage communication among your brain’s cells, the study shows.
7.) You’ll Stop Being Such A Fat Fuck
No exhausting fitness regiment, no rolling tires at CrossFit, no embarrassing yourself at the gym. Just lay off the cookies, cakes and soda and you’ll immediately shed off some pounds.
If I can change the dietary habits of just one reader from this article, then I didn’t do my fucking job. We have a lot of readers and that means I didn’t do shit. But hopefully this persuades many to pursue a healthier diet.