Yuppie St. Patty’s Day Fist Fight Can Most Accurately Be Described As ‘Cute’

I’m not a fighting type of guy. I’ve done it before, but not after considering all other options. Like almost pretending to have a choking fit while my opponent stood in front of me bouncing back and forth stretching his neck out comes to mind.

But I know one thing: I would fucking tie these trust fund babies in a knot. I’d be so confident I’d belt out a “THIS. IS. SPARTA.” before dropping bodies.

These dudes look petrified. They’d want to be literally anywhere else, which is highlighted in their ‘hit-and-run’ technique. Only one I’m a little intimidated by is the girl. She’s feisty and has a quick 1-2 jab. Would probably try to reason with her.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.