Bad news, gang. Zika is coming to the U.S. and not even Barry Obama himself can stop it. Hell, not even Trump’s magnificent wall will be able to stop these diseased mosquitos from crossing our boarders and fucking shit up. And that’s scary, because the more scientists learn about Zika, the more they are realize that Zika isn’t only harmful to pregnancies.
Zika virus is a mild disease and most people with the virus do not have symptoms. However, the recent rise in the spread of Zika virus in Brazil has been accompanied by an unprecedented rise in the number of children being born with unusually small heads—identified as microcephaly. In addition, several countries, including Brazil, reported a steep increase in Guillain-Barré syndrome—a neurological disorder that could lead to paralysis and death. Based on a growing body of preliminary research, there is scientific consensus that Zika virus is a cause of microcephaly and Guillain-Barré syndrome.
On top of that, French researchers have warned that Zika can cause BRAIN INFECTIONS in adults. Do you want a brain infection? I fucking don’t.
But there is no stopping Zika. There is only hoping you and your unborn baby aren’t so unlucky to be affected by it. Here is the month by month outlook for Zika’s migration throughout the U.S. Spoiler Alert: coastal areas are FUCKKKKKKED.
Now, if you’l kindly excuse me, I need to figure out how to live in Oregon for the next six months and also launch my new dating website, ZikaSingles.com. After the failure of my last dating site, EbolaSingles.com, I could use a win.