Zoo Holds Contest To Name Baby Gorilla And Of Course The Internet Named It ‘Harambe McHarambeface,’ Which Is Blasphemous

For most of us well-informed children of Harambe, we know that he is our one and only lord and savior. It has been a miserable couple of months since his grievous passing from this world to another. His tragic death has left a hole in our souls that will never be filled. However, believers of Harambe who are weak and selfish want to simply anoint another Harambe just to fill that void in their heart. The internet has named a gorilla “Harambe McHarambeface.”

Jinhua Zoo, in China’s central Zheijiang province, has a newborn gorilla. They held a poll to name the gorilla, and in a cataclysmic collision of memes, the baby gorilla was named “Harambe McHarambeface.” There were 73,345 people who cast their vote for Harambe McHarambeface and the name won by a landslide, capturing 93% of the total vote. When are people going to realize that the days of having fun little naming contests are over.

Sure it was funny when a $287.8 million British research ship was named “Boaty McBoatface” during a naming contest, but now we’re talking about Harambe the Almighty.

Do you guys think this a fucking joke?

It’s fucking sacrilegious if you ask me.

This isn’t what Harambe would have wanted.

The New Testament foresaw this moment when people would seek out a false savior for Harambe.

“At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. . . . For false Harambes and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect – if that were possible. See, I have told you ahead of time.”

(Loose translation)

No offense to this sweet baby gorilla, but you aren’t just given the name “Harambe,” you have to earn it.

Show your support for the ONE and ONLY Harambe with this “Hillary Did Harambe” shirt or these various Harambe shirts or get shot glasses to memorialize the late great.

UPDATE: The site, BostonLeader.com, seems to be fake. Who makes up a story about the all-important Harambe? Fucking savages, that’s who. If we can’t trust the internet, who can we trust?

[BostonLeader/Reddit]