Frozen Microwave Dinners Have Been Lying To Us For Years And We Have Never Thought To Say Anything About It, Until Now

frozen food dinner lies


We have all been there countless times, with nothing to eat and no desire to wait for delivery or pick up food, you dig deep into your playbook and dive into the freezer for a frozen dinner. Whether it is a Hungry Man dinner, Stouffer’s lasagna, or anything else in the frozen dinner game, you are never thrilled about it, but desperate times call for desperate measures so you bite the bullet and make the most of it.

To me, it is not the quality of the frozen dinners that makes the experience so dreadful, it is the actual microwaving process that makes it all a nightmare.

Can you think of anything more inconsistent than the 5-7 minute microwave time estimate that these companies give you on the back of the box? I have been heating up Marie Callender’s chicken pot pies for years now at the exact times she tells me to and not once has it come out fully heated. Everything seems perfect from the top of the pot pie but as soon as you dig down deep into the heart of it, that pot pie is cold enough to sink the titanic.

So you think to yourself, ‘maybe I need a microwave with more watts’ but does anybody actually know how many watts their microwave actually has? Can we stop treating microwaves like their light bulbs? Or maybe instead of puncturing the plastic film with a fork as Marie Callender tells me to, I should be puncturing it with a knife?

I hate that Marie Callender’s had to take the brunt of this I really do, but how many times is she going to tell me her pot pie “serves two to three” people when we know damn well it only serves one? In fact, 99% of the time I am popping in a second pot pie because I’ve still got some more room left in the tank.

Is this a ridiculous topic? Absolutely. But I am just a guy looking for a little more consistency out of microwaved frozen dinners, that’s all. For more outrageous arguments and debates like this, be sure to subscribe to The Brilliantly Dumb Show on YouTube and all other streaming platforms.