Antonio Brown Is Getting Dragged For Bragging About Doing Tasks Normal People Do Everyday All By Himself

Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Bud Light Super Bowl Music Fest / EA SPORTS BOWL

I told myself I’d stop piling on Antonio Brown, but I also told myself I’d read 10 books this year, and the only thing I’ve read in full are my batshit crazy aunt’s Facebook statuses. In my defense, AB just makes it so easy.

Example 1,839: Antonio Brown, who desperately needs you to know that he has $24 million sitting in his checking account, also needs you to know that he is using none of that on tasks that normal people do for free in conjunction with this whole “everyday life” thing.

Is this AB tweeting or Rosie the Riveter?

As you may have predicted, regular people, who have jobs to make ends meet and take care of their kids out of, I don’t know, love, decided to welcome Mr. Antonio Brown to the real world.

^^^ This is actually true.

Moral of the story: Being a regular person sucks. The only thing worse would be to have the ability to play in the NFL but fuck yourself into being like every other Tom, Dick and Jerry in America.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.