Buffalo Woman’s Obituary Used To Express Her Love For Cigarettes And Hatred For Tom Brady

Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images for The Match

I want to preface this by saying that although I am a Tom Brady fanboy, I have great respect and admiration for the great people of Buffalo.

Despite the Bills perpetually disappointing, Buffalonians (that can’t be right) time and time again have proven that they will not abandon their mission to chokeslam their neighbors through every table in New York’s second-largest city. That unwavering commitment is admirable and a testament to the notion that alcohol can in fact cure a herniated disk.

One of the Buffalonians (still not right) I respect is the late Carole Scarsella, who passed away on July 19, 2020.

Carole, pictured in her obituary ripping a lung dart, had things she liked and things she didn’t. Can you guess which category Tom Brady fell into?

1.) She loved to read. Her favorite author was Stephen King. She had a private library of hundreds of books.

2.) She loved to smoke. She smoked millions of cigarettes.

3.) She loved slot machines and Facebook games. She never one millions, but she had the biggest farm in all of Farmville and made it to the millionth level of Candy Crush.

4.) She was an avid sports fan. She loved the New York Yankees and LeBron James. She HATED Tom Brady.

Her granddaughter, Aggie, wrote on Twitter, “I miss her endlessly. But I’m glad she is remembered and the people of Buffalo also share her deep-rooted hatred of Tom Brady.”

Carole I hope God met you at the gates of heaven, and then immediately body-slammed you through a table. I know that’s how you would have wanted it. \


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.