Getty Image / Tom Pennington
Dallas Mavericks Power-Forward Charlie Villanueva’s home was burglarized. The thieves took his home appliances among other things. While waiting for the Dallas PD to arrive at his house so that he could file a police report Charlie took to Twitter to share that his toilet had been stolen.
Who the hell steals a single toilet? That’s the question everyone seems to be asking, including Charlie Villanueva:
Damn my home in Dallas was just burglarized, called the cops and still waiting on @DallasPD to make a report. FYI it’s been 2hrs since I called. #shitiscrazy
— Charlie Villanueva (@CVBelieve) December 20, 2017
They stole my toilet…… I’m not making this shit up. Still waiting @DallasPD pic.twitter.com/Go9BP3itSB
— Charlie Villanueva (@CVBelieve) December 20, 2017
Appliances all gone, like are you serious? This is mind blowing @DallasPD
— Charlie Villanueva (@CVBelieve) December 20, 2017
I’m still tripping, who steals a toilet? Like why a toilet, 1 toilet @DallasPD still not at my house
— Charlie Villanueva (@CVBelieve) December 20, 2017
I called @DallasPD at 6:50pm it’s 10:41pm and no response from them, called 4 times already #findmytoliet
— Charlie Villanueva (@CVBelieve) December 20, 2017
Charlie woke up and was still in disbelief that somebody would ever steal his toilet:
I’m still in shock of the things they stole 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️ but the one that stand out the most is a toilet…… Bro a toilet, can’t get my mind off that. A toilet….. Wow 🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽
— Charlie Villanueva (@CVBelieve) December 20, 2017
Naturally, as is the case anytime someone on Twitter experiences a bizarre incident a lot of Twitter followers swooped in with jokes. There’s nothing funny about Charlie Villanueva’s house getting burglarized, but I think we can all agree that it’s both peculiar and weird as fuck that the thieves would steal his toilet. Also, as an amateur detective, this leads me to believe that the thieves are experts who possess home contracting skills. Here’s what Twitter had to say:
Police say they have nothing to go on.
— Paul Chapman (@PaulChapman_) December 20, 2017
What a crappy situation.https://t.co/mR6VC60WQR
— SB Nation (@SBNation) December 20, 2017
did they leave a Dear John letter?
— Corbin Cupp (@cuppycup) December 20, 2017
https://twitter.com/MidwestOpe/status/943338236235206656
Police release sketch of possible suspects pic.twitter.com/4qDtV5cBEU
— Dennis Celery (@UncleDave_) December 20, 2017
https://twitter.com/iancmclaren/status/943339767198109697
This feels like one of those Austin Powers one-liners ‘honestly, who throws a shoe?’ only in this instance, it’s ‘honestly, who jacks a john?’
Like I said above, this is an interesting crime because it’s one that requires skill on behalf of the burglars. If I’m in the Dallas PD then the first thing I’m searching the Dallas-Ft. Worth area is for plumbers/contractors with any sort of a felony record. Someone like me wouldn’t be able to show up at your house and steal a toilet. This requires a special type of criminal. Hopefully, Charlie gets his shitter back.