Dan Orlovsky’s Eating Habits Are Even More Unhinged Than You Could Have Ever Imagined

Former NFL quarterback Dan Orlovsky has carved out a nice role for himself as one of ESPN’s most popular analysts.

Orlovsky, alongside host Laura Rutledge and co-analysts Mina Kimes, Marcus Spears and Ryan Clark, stars each day on NFL Live.

But for as much as Orlovsky is known for his ball knowledge, he’s also known for his – uh – peculiar dining habits.

Orlovsky is a notoriously picky eater who, for the most part, has the diet of a 10-year-old child. His co-stars regularly flame him for the way that eats.

But as it turns out, it’s worse than anybody could have ever imagined.

Matthew Roberson of GQ profiled Orlovsky recently to try to find out more about the man who has risen to the forefront of NFL media.

As part of the profile, Roberson wanted to know what the deal was with the former Detroit Lions signal caller’s bizarre diet.

When asked to describe Orlovsky’s diet, Kimes revealed a story that is downright serial killer behavior.

“It’s really like, tan food,” she told Roberson. “He only eats the color tan. We were at a party in Kansas City for the draft. There was a buffet situation. I watched him grab five fruit tarts and scoop the fruit out of all of them. I’d never seen anything like it.”

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

“After getting Orlovsky up to speed on the concept of Husband Meal—the goblin-like meals men devour while their significant other is away—he says he’ll go to Chipotle and get four burrito bowls to last him all weekend,” Roberson writes. “Their ingredients? Double chicken and cheese. That’s it.”

Double chicken and cheese…

Just four bowls filled with chicken and cheese. No more. No less.

That is a meal I would feed one of my dogs on its birthday.

Spears said that if Orlovsky were to come across southern food (Spears is a Louisiana native) that it might prove fatal.

“The food is bad, man,” he said. “Stupid. I’m from Louisiana and, obviously, I like to eat. This dude is the polar opposite of what I think food should be.”

“He’d die. On sight,” Spears told Roberson about Orlovsky ever eating gumbo or jambalaya.

Somebody help this man!