The Denver Nuggets Mascot Basically Assaulted Some Poor Kid During A Charity Football Game And I Love It is how you make America great again.

Kids these days are coddled and told that just because they showed up to the goddamn field, they deserve the Medal of Honor. I struck out to lose a Little League game in sixth grade and my dad legit didn’t talk to me during dinner that night. I’ve never felt more humiliated, emasculated. I will never forget that until the day I die.

And you know what happened the first game of the next season: LASER SHOW–3 for 3 with a triple off the wall. My dad took me for ice cream that night and gave me a sip of his Miller Lite. To this day, I’ve never felt like more of a MAN. You know why? Because I DESERVED it.

My dad never pissed on me and told me it was raining, he never gave me hardware when I didn’t earn it, and he sure as fuck wouldn’t tell me everything was going to be okay when I started crying. And look how I turned out–a 28-year-old super blogger with balls that drag on the floor. Thanks, pops. For never pissing on me.

Something tells me the kid who got absolutely obliterated by the Denver Nuggets mascot at this charity football game will grow up to be a MAN, just like me. 

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.