It’s always the quiet ones that you have to be wary of. While everyone’s paying attention to the loud and obnoxious dude in the clubhouse pretending his baseball bat is his dick, no one is paying any attention to the quiet guy with glasses in the corner who is pissing in the Gatorade. Which is why today’s revelation about former MLB pitcher Greg Maddux is kind of surprising, but also not totally surprising.
I mean it’s stories like this that force me to get out of bed in the morning. Who would have ever thought that soft spoken, four-eyed Greg Maddux was running around leaving skid marks on the shirts of other people? Well, me, but I was lacking the evidence to support this claim until this morning when this tweet popped off.
“Greg was one of those guys that, when he went to the men’s room, he didn’t think twice about coming out and grabbing a t-shirt out of somebody’s locker room and cleaning himself with it. [Laughs] Oh yeah. He did that to one of my lockermates at spring training and I saw him do it. And sure enough when we got back to Atlanta a week later, the guy, it was Walt Weiss, he came back to the locker room one day after batting practice and he kept smelling and looking around and she said ‘Glav, something stinks in my locker.’ And sure enough he figured out what it was went and found Mr. Maddux so he knew who did it.”
This isn’t the first that people have talked about how insane Maddux was as a teammate. Chipper Jones once said, “He’s one of the grossest guys I’ve ever been around in my life.” However, I think this bad boy crosses the line from casual prank to full-on bullying. Honestly, how did he not get his face caved in for this shit? Yes, he was a notable future Hall of Famer who could pitch a team to a win any day of the week, but we’re also talking about baseball during the height of steroid abuse. Responsible decision-making just didn’t exist. I think the real story here is how Maddux never caught a baseball bat to the knee or a set of spikes to the face after someone caught him picking the corn out of his b-hole with their away jersey.