I’m not a soccer guy. My international friends call me a score-hungry mental midget American who cannot understand the game’s inherent beauty, but before they finish I usually just start singing the National Anthem at an obnoxious volume to drown them out or drop to the ground and fake an injury.
But this, this highlight right here, is just filthy. Sometimes you gotta swallow your pride and tip your cap. It’s like admitting Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’ song is an absolutely banger or that my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend looks stronger than I do. What a fucking goal.
UPDATE: I was informed that the goal was called off for some infraction I’ll never quite understand. I take back everything I just said.