Jose Canseco Apologizes To MLB Players He Said Used Steroids In The Most Ridiculous And Hilarious Ways

The good folks over at Slow Clap got former slugger Jose Canseco to apologize to his fellow MLB players who he outed as steroid users.

Ten years ago, Canseco released his infamous book, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big where he named professional baseball players who he suspected or actually saw use performance-enhancing drugs.

Time heals all wounds, but time and an Edible Arrangement REALLY heals all wounds, especially if there’s chocolate-covered bananas.

In the video, Canseco attempts to make things right with his former baseball colleagues such as Rafael Palmeiro and Pudge Rodriguez who he defamed. To mend these broken hearts, they propose using a singing telegram by a barbershop quartet and sending flowers.

However when they ask Jose how he wants to make amends with Alex Rodriguez he blows up!

“Hell no! Fuck him! I can’t stand that guy, I’d rather kick his ass. He’s a liar. He hit on my wife. He lied to the media about me. The only thing I will do for him is beat his ass in a MMA ring. So it’s an open challenge to Alex, ‘Get your ass in there and meet me in the ring so I can inflict some torture on you.’ I’m dead serious about this.”

He did however pen a heartfelt poem to former Oakland Athletics teammate Mark McGwire.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I am sorry I wrote a book about you,
The balls we hit used to fly,
But to do so we had to lie,
In our hay day the Bash Brothers stood tall,
But the bigger you are the harder you fall,
I know I exposed your secret injections,
I hope this apology doesn’t find a rejection.

Sincerely Yours,


Canseco and the guys went to the extent of attending a game between Mark’s former team the St. Louis Cardinals and the Los Angeles Dodgers where Big Mac is a hitting coach. They even flew a plane over the stadium to let Mark know that Jose was in the building. Despite the signs and the poem, McGwire never did accept Jose’s apology.

Sorry Jose.

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead