NFL Fashion Review Week 7: Cam’s Hat Had Its Own Luggage, Julian Edelman’s Mom Jeans, And Tom Brady’s Gun Show

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Week 7 of the NFL season meant a lot of different things for a lot of different teams, many of which are already thinking about next season, but of utmost importance going into Sunday was knowing it was the last Sunday in October, also known as National Tight Ends Day, something that was birthed a year ago by National Tight Ends Committee Spokesman, George Kittle.

So was it simply a coincidence that Lions tight end T.J. Hockenson caught the game-winning, walk-off TD to beat the Falcons by a single point? It’s the freakin’ Lions, so I tend to THINK NOT. Shit like that never happens to them, like, ever.

On an entirely different note, Mike Tomlin was in his quote bag again, this time making him the most relatable human in the NFL. “I can’t see past lunch” is a line that has stuck with me ever since the above tweet was posted and I’ll be using it for the foreseeable future.

“Hey man, any way you can hook me up with a ride to the airport on Friday?”

“Bro, honestly, I don’t even know right now. I can’t see past lunch.”

This is how I envision it going and there’s just nothing you can say back to that to sustain any kind of dialogue.

MISSING IN ACTION: Gone this week were the Vikings, Dolphins, Colts, and Ravens. What did that mean for us? No uncomfortable, awkward ensembles from that weirdo Kirk Cousins that have been going on since the beginning of time.

Unfortunately, it also meant no showstopping fits from Lamar Jackson and other Ravens, like Hollywood Brown and Marlon Humphrey.

Given that we just wrapped Week 7, save for the MNF game, you should know the drill by now: Whether it’s fire, fierce, funny or FAIL, let’s get this unsanctioned rodeo started with the unwavering spirit of Jimmy from Yellowstone.

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Julian Edelman

Julian Edelman is wearing a turtleneck that’s tucked into a light pair of jeans that appear to be hiked up well past where they should actually be. Imagine if it had been warmer out and he didn’t need the jacket? Jules would look like an SNL cast member playing an uppity, tech-turned Ellen Degeneres who’s about to unveil the new iPhone at an outdoor Apple Event.

George Kittle

If you’re asking yourself why it seems like George Kittle is constantly telling himself a joke, it’s probably because he is. To no surprise, George decided to celebrate National Tight End Day — and the win — by wearing Breaking T’s official National Tight End Day t-shirt and answered each question like a kid who was just handed a free pass to the world’s largest bouncy castle.

Travis Kelce

All black everything with the exception of the animal print coat is definitely a statement, something Travis Kelce excels at with ease. And going with leather pants? Yup, the Chiefs are the defending champs and sure as hell know it.

Kyle Rudolph

The Vikings didn’t play this week but AGAIN, it was #NationalTightEndsDay. Simply could not leave out one of the best in the game and the one member of the Tight Ends Society who makes a concerted effort to dress to the nines in a classy way every single week.

Hunter Henry

To round out #NationalTightEndsDay, Hunter Henry flipped the script on all of his fellow grapplers and ended up looking like a guy headed to the airport to meet his BrewBros for a four-day weekend of some golf and strippers in Myrtle Beach.

Tom Brady

The Tom Brady gun show??? Because I definitely see a vein popping out of a bicep there, a bicep that’s never been existent in his entire 86-year career. He’s gotta be either carrying something very heavy or purposely flexing hard knowing the team photographer is right there. I’m going with the latter, A) because TB12 loves himself some TB12 and B) because in the tweet below his arm is back to being the regular old noodle we’ve come to know.

Russell Wilson

Russell Wilson teetering the line here between a jacket that fits and a jacket that’s about to explode. It’s completely bizarre that Russ looks bigger in plain clothes than he does when he’s all padded up in full uniform.

Cam Newton

Cam Newton’s latest hat had its own mini duffle bag and it’s barely a blip on the radar because we’re talking about Cam Newton, the guy who once had a rabbit foot the size of Utah attached to his jeans. Cam also did a wonderful job on the field too, completing 9 passes to members of the Patriots and 3 passes to members of the 49ers. Very giving and seems delighted! [Yes, he was absolutely benched.]

Roy Robertson-Harris

The Bears’ Roy Robertson-Harris is 6’7 and 300 pounds yet somehow Russell Wilson is the one who looked like he was about to spontaneously combust while Roy looks like he’s on a runway in Milan. The #BigManTailoring difference is insane and Russ should be taking notes or perhaps rip up all of his existing notes for a hard reset.

DeAndre Hopkins

No idea what this is supposed to be. First thought was creepy cat eyes, then moved on to just an overall nondescript weird eyes theme, and finally learned that regardless of whatever this is, the shirt is on sale for $625 and is available in all sizes. You’re welcome!

Baker Mayfield

Yes, Baker Mayfield is wearing a hoodie that could comfortably fit some of the finest globes on the market but the mockery really has to stop there. After starting the game with five incompletions and an interception, Baker went 22/23 for 297 yards and 5 TDs with the lone incompletion being a spike to stop the clock. A+ performance.

Aaron Donald

This Aaron Donald shirt from Nike is pretty great and the rendering of the freak is hardly an exaggeration. But the graphic needs to be faded. Terrible execution, Nike, you jackasses.

Alvin Kamara

The topless press conference will always be hilarious. Alvin Kamara just doesn’t give a shit and I find that to be an endearing trait.

Matt Ryan

It took seven strenuous weeks but at long last, Matty Ice shrewdly shook off that Merrill Lynch Matty label with a brown suede jacket and matching brown suede shoes. The former King of Bland most certainly got an extensive talking-to from someone who knows what they’re talking about. #HopeFloats

Drew Brees

In his mind, Drew Brees is in a ballroom at the Marriott giving a keynote speech to a bunch of people in pharmaceutical sales.

Odell Beckham Jr.

OBJ got hurt and that sucks. What does not suck is OBJ’s suit and accompanying chains that just about match his hair color. When this guy keeps it a little more simple, he’s a beast.

Nick Foles

Pretty creepy, Nick. Pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay creepy.

Todd Gurley

How It Started and How It Finished. Very telling and appropriate bookends for that Falcons debacle, starring Todd Gurley who forgot how to fall down.

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DK Metcalf

Oh, it’s true. It’s true. Sorry, Jarvis. You had an exceptional run.

Deshaun Watson

Draped in black, this is the face of a man whose team is 1-6 and who is seeing directly through the souls of every person asking him why his team is so shitty.

Derek Carr

Derek Carr went full Miyagi/Daniel-san Mode after reportedly being asked what it’s like to play against Tom Brady when he has 17 different elite offensive weapons at his disposal.

Patrick Mahomes

“No Shades Patrick Mahomes” is the worst version of Patrick Mahomes. Mystique just vanishes.

Aaron Rodgers

Remember last week when the Packers got destroyed by Tom Brady’s Bucs and Aaron Rodgers showed up to his press conference looking like his pet cat Rudy died? Yeah, well they won this week so it was all smiles for the Packers QB. Shocking!

Andy Dalton

There are times when Andy Dalton’s hair looks so ridiculously orange all I can think about are boneless wings covered in buffalo sauce. This would be one of those moments. Seriously, if you crop out just the hair, that’s a zesty piece of chicken.

Kyler Murray

Loving you too, Kyler. Thanks for the 5 billion fantasy football points.

Jimmy Garoppolo

Jimmy GQ floated a really bad interception on Sunday and you could see him smiling right after the play. Kinda weird. Then you get what we have above, which is some kind of robotic version of James Bond adjusting his cufflinks. He’s a tough one to figure out, particularly when photos like the one below come into play.

Michael Dickson

Would never put a kicker this high in the pecking order, but Seattle footer Michael Dickson wearing a tie-dye Seahawks t-shirt that he got for free after opening up a checking account at a local bank is just too good not to acknowledge right away. Now please insert multiple fire emojis right here.

Drew Lock

Broncos QB Drew Lock kicked off his press conference by going for a very obvious pick followed by a close examination of said pick. This is everything you need to know about how the Broncos-Chiefs game went.

Gardner Minshew

GOAT ALERT. How Gardner Minshew didn’t play football in the mid-70s, we’ll never know.

Robby Anderson

Unless you’re paying me upwards of $10,000 for the day you’ll never catch me wearing overalls. I’d rather roam around Times Square in an Elmo outfit along with the 37 other Elmos that finesse tips out of tourists after taking photos with them.

J.J. Watt

J.J. Watt, as consistently boring as it gets. His presser was hilarious though. After being asked about the performance of Aaron Rodgers, J.J. said No. 12 “threw the ball to receivers and they caught it.” Excellent. Things seem to be going well.

T.J. Watt

It doesn’t take much of an effort at all to completley outdo J.J. does it? Hate to see it.

Jamaal Williams

Jamaal Williams is out of his mind and it seems to be getting better — the insane kind of better — with each passing week.

Daniel Jones

This incredibly disheveled and distraught man outran himself on Thursday night against the Eagles. I repeat, the man outran himself, essentially cheating himself out of a touchdown by running so fast that he lapped his own feet. Not sure such words will ever be uttered again. Unless, of course, Daniel Jones does it again.

Kenny Stills

This one’s on me, guys. I had completely forgotten about Kenny Stills and neglected to check his IG page and instead relied on the Texans, something no one should EVER do. Especially this year. Alas, greatness galore. King stay King, and Kenny is a motherfucking King and has been one all season long.

Billy Turner!

Billy Turner’s fits are well beyond outrageous and I fully expect him to be on stilts and dressed up as some kind of Star Wars-Pokemon-Space Hippie crossover by Week 15.

Joey Slye

Much like the case was for Michael Dickson, I would never put a guy like Panthers kicker Joe Slye up this high unless it was a unique case and ESPECIALLY because I didn’t know who Joe Slye was until this very moment. Accountant up top, Making A Murderer on the bottom. Unreal. This madman is either divided against himself or playing serious mind games with people.

Josh Reynolds

Not gonna lie: I hate the Dodgers but those road grays are magnificent.

Cam Jordan

Cam Jordan wore a varsity jacket that paid tribute to his journey from Chandler High School in Arizona, to Cal, to of course the Saints. Dude always carries such a great spirit with him. And how about those Jordan V Off-Whites. Fit game THRIVING.

Ryan Tannehill

Ryan Tannehill hasn’t made many appearances here photos of him are rarely if ever made available. But back when he was with the Dolphins this guy always looked the part of someone ready to start a prison-rules brawl in some dump of a pool hall. What a turnaround.

Jordan Poyer

Bills safety Jordan Poyer, on the other hand, looks like someone who was taken straight out of central casting specifically to snap some necks after an intense game of pool.

Za’Darius Smith

The rarely seen shoes that match the shirt that match the mask. Flawless fashion flow.

Sam Darnold

Sammy dialing up the nips for the ladies and matching his shirt to his… coffee cup sleeve. So very, very Jets.

Tyrod Taylor

Tyrod Taylor is still showing out every week despite being royally screwed by the Chargers medical staff. And rather than use a coffee cup sleeve, he took a different route than SamBo Darnold and matched that olive ‘W’ to his pants. Very subtle.

Myles Garrett

Did Myles Garrett enter the stadium two different times wearing the same jacket but with a different shirt, pants and shoes? My head just exploded.

Logan Wilson!

Cowboy hats have been running rampant in the NFL lately and I have not a clue in the world of what to do about it.

Tommy Townsend (A Freakin’ Punter!)

And anothuh’ one. What an incomparable, unconquerable combination of a cowboy hat and ALL DENIM EVERYTHING. Good god!

Harrison Butker (A Kicker!)

Snooty Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker has precisely ZERO time for you and all of your cowboy hat-wearing bullshit.

Josh Lambo (Another Kicker!)

Jaguars kicker Josh Lamb? Or is this an unidentified wrestler who has just entered the building to wreak havoc at WWE’s Hell In A Cell pay-per-view? Because every wrestler that matters right now has this exact hairstyle.

Justin Simmons

A minty winter fresh hoodie for the ensuing colder weather? I’ll take a dozen.

Aaron Jones

Aaron Jones was sidelined for Sunday’s game, although as everyone knows there is nothing — and I mean nothing — capable of stopping the showmanship of El Sombrero. Now for the bad news: That merch link in Aaron’s tweet does NOT include sombreros. Furious!

AJ Dillon

Packers rookie running back AJ Dillon did an outstanding job in filling the colorful void that Aaron Jones routinely brings to the table, he just forgot to wear a hat.

Chase Young

Chase Young is a rookie living on a whole different level and also happens to scares the living shit outta me.

Jarrett Stidham

Is Stidham up next? Who knows. But if so, I can already tell this is gonna be a charisma clinic for the ages.

Terrell Edmunds

If you’re dressing like this in late October you do not belong in Pittsburgh playing safety for the Steelers, you belong in South Beach smoking cigars with Jimmy Butler and sitting by the pool on your off days.

Halloween For The Panthers Rookies

Carolina got their weird on this week, doling out the Halloween treatment to rookies Derrick Brown and Jeremy Chinn and man did it deliver, especially for Chinn who very much deserves a guest spot on the next season of The Boys. He’s really selling the sauce here.

Leonard Fournette

Leonard Fournette, the happiest man alive since fleeing the hellhole known as Jacksonville, seen here with the Rolls Royce flex. Christ, the entire Bucs team is just one giant flex. Look at this shit. Tom Brady is a wizard who turns unhappy places into smiling faces.

Jalen Mills

Crazy that the Green Goblin’s glowing green kicks and his jacket that’s peppered with green skulls have managed to take all the attention away — at least for a moment —  from what looks like a matte black Lamborghini Aventador, which goes for well over 400k. And of COURSE you can see a hint of green in the rims too. Always fucking green!

Some Los Angeles Chargers

What’s with all the car flexes? Sensing a theme here and the best way I can put it is that it feels like they’re crazy-gluing me to a basketball court DIRECTLY under the hoop and continuously dunking right in my face. Unkind! Take your BatMobile and fly it directly up your ass.

Mike Williams

Oh come on! But if we’re being real here, the tracksuit matching the mask is pretty sick. I’m just happy his sneakers look stupid.

Kenny Golladay

If I owned a jacket as sleek and flawless as this one I would constantly be smoking cigars WHEREVER I want, WHENEVER I want.

Joe Burrow & Tee Higgins

Joe Burrow still putting in the full pregame attire effort, but man does he look spent. And that’s before playing. SEND. HELP. SOON. Tee Higgins, on the other hand, looks like he’s having a blast rockin’ that increasingly popular upside down Dodgers logo.

CeeDee Lamb

CeeDee Lamb’s chunky “88” emblem chain probably weighs more than a healthy toddler.

Will Parks

Eagles safety Will Parks boldly going with the worst jeans ever made. Major respect for taking the risk.

Bill Belichick

Final Score: 49ers 33, Patriots 6. Yes, Bill Belichick is officially hiding in plain sight.

Chris Banjo

Listen, Cardinals safety Chris Banjo isn’t exactly on everyone’s radar and that’s understandable. However, any time someone — anyone — wears a Merrie Melodies shirt featuring a silhouette of Bugs Bunny, they’ve made the list and that’s final.

Lil Wayne?

Bills DB Tre White with the Lil Wayne cleats! Fucking awesome.

Adrian Amos

A pregame photoshoot in the woods, just as we all drew it up.

Doug Pederson!

Kinda speaks for itself. Doug Pederson is a living legend and doesn’t have a clue in the world of just how legendary he is. We’re going on three years now with this look. He’s doing this ironically, right? Right??

A.J. Brown

I would say A.J. Brown’s amazing hat with that timeless script lettering is, in fact, timeless had it said Houston Oilers rather than Tennessee Titans. But it doesn’t so I can’t and I won’t.

Some Dude On The Texans

Not sure about you, but I find myself about as inspired as the IG comments that were dropped in the post.

Texans IG

Will Redmond

Packers safety Will Redmond wearing a No. 25 Will Redmond throwback jersey. Self-confidence is booming in Green Bay, even for players that no one talks about.

Marquez Valdes-Scantling

Fuck yeah, shoutout to my boyz Zorro and Darkwing Duck.

Kenny Vaccaro

Titans safety Kenny Vaccaro with a killer bomber jacket, wisely stringing it together with black on black with the hat to maaaatch.

With the hat to match

Avery Williamson

Avery Williamson’s expression in this freeze-frame speaks for an entire fanbase that’s been soaked with endless misery since 1903. Move the Jets to the NFC East and they’d still have a legitimate shot at the division. #SilverLining

Kendall Sheffield

It’s a simple formula: You wear Nike SB Dunk Lows, you win the prize. Now what that prize is remains TBD at this time. Sorry, but not really.

Stefon Diggs’ Feet

Stefon Diggs is terrifying.

Jarvis Landry

And so is Jarvis Landry. Very unsettling!

Demario Davis

Saints-branded, Saints approved. In the infamous and succinct words of DJ Khaled, YOU LOYAL.