Peyton Manning Is Already Bored AF With Retirement In These Brand New DirecTV Commercials

During his 18 seasons in the NFL, Peyton Manning was not shy in attaching his name to brands. This is evident in his somewhat bizarre relationship with Papa John, a relationship strong enough for Peyton to buy 32 Papa John’s chains in the Denver area alone. Excessive. Peyton also reps Buick, Nationwide, Gatorade, Nike and DirecTV. During his playing career, he was often the most marketable NFL player, amassing a whopping $12 million in off-field earnings his final year in the league.

Peyton’s storied career, his ‘good guy’ image, and his perfect comedic timing make him a viable face for almost any brand. His charisma also makes you forget that every time he speaks he sounds like he’s chomping on two dozen cotton balls. He’s also the only dude in the NFL whose steroid allegations were met with the same scrutiny as a parking ticket, while the NFL spent $15 million on a Tom Brady witch hunt.  But that’s neither here nor there.

The silver lining in Peyton’s retirement is that we’ll get more exposure to his acting prowess. Maybe feature films are on the horizon for number 18. But for now, these brand new DirecTV commercials will have to do.



Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.