The Washington Redskins’ possible starting quarterback of the 2015 NFL season (possibly not, as well, who fucking knows?) announced on social media today that he’s having a baby.
First off, good for him.
But more importantly, how is this going to affect his chances at winning the Redskins’ starting job? If he and his wife announced their pregnancy at the standard 12-16 week range most people do, that would mean his baby would be due during training camp. Is he going to be changing diapers instead of reading defenses? Getting his wife ice cream instead of watching film? Feeding instead of improving, like he needs to do in Jay Gruden’s office?
But that’s minor shit. Everything takes a back seat to the birth of your child. The rest of the world matters a little less.
Unless, maybe, you go by the moniker RGMe. He’s got ads to film, and ads to film, and ads to film. How is he going to find time to film ads when he’s rearing a child? His brand is not about being a father, but a pitchman.
Plus, being a baby requires work. We’ve already seen Robert not willing to put in the time and effort. He got one coach canned already. What if things with this baby don’t work out? Will he drop it off at an adoption agency one night when it won’t stop crying? Then ask Dan Snyder to give him a new, better baby? One who gets him? One who will work with him, instead of undermine him?
Or worse, will he use his baby to shift his focus? Instead of Gatorade, Geber? Instead of Subway, blended up sandwiches babies can eat at six months.
I’m worried for this kid. It’s gonna be in a commercial before it can talk. And that’s no way to raise a family.
(I’m only kidding. I’m sure having a baby will help Robert Griffin III develop the perspective he so desperately needs and become a better all-around person.)
(Wait, who I’m I kidding? I imagine this will change nothing.)
(Also, I should not take this much glee in mocking this person’s future life, but man, he’s just such an easy target)