Do You Want To Eat Like A Pig On Super Bowl Sunday Without Gaining Weight? Start Our Three Day Plan TODAY!
During a three hour span this Sunday the average American is going to put away 2,000 calories. And love every minute of it. Followed immediately by an intense bloat and self-hatred that usually only follows a trip to a strip club in some awful place like Oklahoma or Nebraska.
When people put that much food away in 3 hours, along with a normal day of eating leading up to that, it’s easy to get to 3,000 for 4,000 calories. Coming off an already high calorie holiday period that can set a diet back by 4 months.
This isn’t about to be some lame ass recommendation for finding lower calorie options. I hate reading through shit like that. This is a day of indulgence, and we’re getting gluttonous as fuck. Because it’s the damn Super Bowl and this shit only comes around once a year.
For those select few out there who play it right, they can embrace sweet sweet gluttony on Super Bowl Sunday and thoroughly enjoy every minute of it, minus all the dirty middle of nowhere stripper hatred after.
The diet plan leading up to the Super Bowl:
Friday: This is ideally when to begin preparing for the gigantic calorie bomb that’s about to pull a Fat Man and get dropped right out of the Enola Gay right onto your waistline. On Friday, the major change you’ll make will be reducing the total calories you’re eating by 500. Workout like normal, drink plenty of water, and just make each meal a little smaller. The entire goal is to reduce calories by around 500. If you know you’re going out for drinks after work, it might be smarter to reduce even more during the day. Try your best to get in a normal workout though.
Saturday: Things get a little more serious. One day out from calorie bomb detonation. To help combat that, drop total calories by 750, and still workout. If you’re drinking over the weekend, this can be pretty difficult to follow. But hey, it’s you buying a new belt. Not me.
Sunday: It’s game time. Time to walk into your Super Bowl party head held high and belly empty. You’ve already saved 1,750 calories in your weekly calorie budget, leaving you plenty of room to play with. It’s weird to think of calorie budgets in a broad view like this, but with planned indulgences this is a very valuable way to view it. Just to be safe though, we have a couple of more measures.
On the day of the Super Bowl, push back your first meal until 1pm or 2pm. You’ll be using intermittent fasting to help keep your waist line trim. You can read exactly why intermittent fasting kicks so much ass right here.
You’ll also load up on plenty of water the day of. This way you know you’re hydrated and your liver is primed to handle the copious amounts of alcohol you’ll be drinking. You can also handle all the excess sodium that comes with traditional Super Bowl foods without getting a bloat like the Nutty Professor.
The Super Bowl workout:
Working out the day of, especially if fasting, is a surefire way to make sure the feasting you do later on the day actually works to your benefit. The goal with this workout is to burn through as much stored glycogen (carbohydrates in the muscle and liver) and send your heart rate through the roof.
Doing these things works for 2 reasons:
- Burning through glycogen stores makes replenishing them top priority by your body. It’s your primary energy source, so your meal to break the fast is used to replenish these stores. You still have to live somehow though, so your body turns to body fat even more in this situation.
- Strength training and a crazy high heart rate means you need lots of oxygen. Even more than you can take in. Leading to EPOC, a phenomenon in which you burn more calories than normal for hours (up to 48!) after a workout in your body’s attempt to make up the oxygen debt. This is one of the main reasons HIIT cardio has become such a popular thing now.
The Dallas Cowboys – The Greatest Franchise in Football History:
That’s the name of the workout. Because I’m a pissed off Cowboys fan who thinks the NFL has stupid rules defining what a catch is. DEZ FUCKING CAUGHT IT. SINCE WHEN IS TAKING THREE STEPS NOT A FOOTBALL MOVE? (Editor’s Note: Get a grip, Tanner, you’re embarrassing yourself.)
We’ll be using circuit training with relatively heavy weights. At least weights that you can use safely for the sets and reps, and while ridiculously fatigued.
The workout is 3 circuits of 3 exercises a piece, 3 rounds for each circuit. Go from one exercise to the next with no rest until you complete one round. Rest 90 seconds max between each round. Then do it all over again.
Deadlift – 8 reps
Dumbbell overhead press – 12 reps
Toes to bar – 10 reps
Goblet Squat – 15 reps
One arm dumbbell row – 8 reps
Dumbbell bench press – 10 reps
Thruster – 8 reps
Burpee pull up – 10 reps
Kettlebell swing – 15 reps
For those who don’t know, a thruster is basically a front squat into an overhead press. If it’s completely new to you, substitute with dumbbells. Hold them by your shoulders like you’re about to press, squat as deep as possible and then explode up. Pressing the dumbbells overhead as you’re standing.
If your gym doesn’t have kettlebells to do kettlebell swings, get a new gym. In the meantime, go through incline treadmill sprints. 5 rounds of sprinting as fast as you can, on an incline, for 15 seconds. Rest 30 seconds, then repeat.
After the workout, break your with a light meal. Ideally simple carbs and an easily digestible protein. Get in plenty of water, shower, get your shit together, and head out to wherever you’re watching the Super Bowl. Eat the fuck out of every single bit of food you lay your eyes on. Do it knowing that it won’t affect your waistline one big. You might even wake up on Monday lighter than before.