The NBA Bubble Would Have Been No Match For Terry Rozier’s Horniness

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The Charlotte Hornets are one of the eight NBA teams that are not participating in the NBA restart.

This is bad news for Hornets fans, but a blessing in disguise for the organization, as the public relations nightmare that comes along with one of its stars biting through the bubble wall Shawshank-style to procure booty on the other side is an unthinkable undertaking. And this isn’t even baking in the price to fix the wall and the invasive dentistry required.

Terry Rozier, who I’ve been following on Twitter since his days with the Celtics, has proven himself to be a Very Horny Online Guy in his career and his recently liked tweets read like pornos, which I previously considered to be an oxymoron.


Me: “I enjoy the missionary position to the point when my triceps start to burn and at that juncture in my sexual encounter, I go full flop-mode.” 

We’re just getting started.

Later that night—at around 2:23 am this past Saturday—Rozier is one of just three other people bullish enough to co-sign a tweet about plugging anus.


But words can only go so far. Scary Horny Terry is ready to up the ante, liking a couple GIFs that I will not show my children.

Dean Norris is somewhere in a dark room next to a loaded pistol and a vat of KY Jelly trying to look at these videos through a landline phone.


(When is Dean’s birthday? On that day, I think someone should tell him that actual porn exists.)

I know what you’re thinking: “One night of being Horny Online does not warrant an entire article.”

This was Friday night.

Three likes, one of them the guard for the Charlotte Hornets.

July 8th.

I’ve got nothing but Love for Terry. Let that Freak Flag fly, brother. Sex is tight.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.