USC Coach Steve Sarkisian Gives Pep Rally Speech While Hammered, Drops F-Bomb, Gets Dragged Off Stage For The Win


USC Head Football Coach Steve Sarkisian got absolutely obliterated drunk on Saturday night. So did we all. The only difference being that Stevey had to stand up and give an inspirational speech in front of thousands of USC players, coaches, staff, donors, and family and friends of the program.

It did not go well. Check that, it went fucking perfectly. Depending on who you ask.

The Salute to Troy event is the official kickoff to the USC football season and an annual school-sponsored event for notable donors. On top of the short clip where he drops the F-bomb, Twitter has reported that Sark was definitely drunk and slurring his words. He also said that Oregon, Arizona State and Notre Dame all “suck.”

Fact: He is 0-9 against “sucky” Oregon and ASU, losing by three or more touchdowns to the Ducks each game. “WhhaaattEVVVER MANNN, Still suKK Grab Mee A BEeerr!!”

Before Sarkisian could complete the speech, he was pulled off the stage by athletic director Pat Haden and John McKay Jr. and reprimanded.

Haden expressed his dismay with the coach in a statement from USC Athletics:

“I met with Coach Sarkisian and I expressed my disappointment in the way he represented himself and the University at our Salute To Troy event. While the details of our conversation will remain between us, I am confident he heard my message loud and clear.”

Sarkisian released a statement thereafter, apologizing:

“I sincerely apologize to my players and staff and to our fans for my behavior and my inappropriate language at our kickoff event Saturday night. I have a responsibility to all of them and I let them down. Pat Haden talked to me after the event about my actions and I assured him this will not happen again.”

The biggest mistake Sarkisian made here was apologizing. If you told me I had to stand up in front  of a bunch of tight-assed donors and kiss their asses on a Saturday night, I’d tell you straight up I’m getting hammered for it. If drunkenly believing in my team and villianizing the enemy is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

P.S. No chance Sark remembered this Sunday morning. I’d bet the family farm he strolled into the practice facility on Sunday morning with coffees in hand for the assistant coaches expecting everyone to take him seriously. He’s like the dude who passed out at the party trying to have a serious conversation with you when he has a sharpied cock and balls plastered on his forehead.

[h/t For The Win]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.