Let’s See How Many Jokes We Can Make About Matt Ryan’s Dad Outfit Yesterday

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The Atlanta Falcons suffered a crushing defeat at home to the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday by a score of 37-36, dropping them to the basement of the AFC South. Matt Ryan and the Falcons aren’t nearly as bad as their 1-3 record dictates, with their quarterback going 29-for-39 for 419 yards and three touchdowns a week after going 26-for-35 for 374 yards, and a career-high five touchdowns in an overtime loss to the Saints. Eight touchdowns, zero interceptions in two games. Both losses. How.

In any event, if there’s one thing the internet is good at it’s kicking a man when he’s down. And after two stellar performances by Matt Ryan that ultimately were meaningless, the 33-year-old quarterback has to be feeling pretty shitty right now. Especially after the entire internet skewered his ‘average guy’ outfit he wore upon arrive to Mercedes-Benz Stadium yesterday…

Allow me to begin.

Matt Ryan looks like he’s going to ask me to sign his yearbook.

Matt Ryan looks like a guy who refers to porn as “adult films.”

Matt Ryan looks like he only leaves positive Yelp reviews–“Yummers!”

Matt Ryan is dressed like he still keeps in touch with his ex-girlfriend’s dad.

Matt Ryan looks like he uses his blinker when turning out of his driveway.

Matt Ryan looks like he asks his Facebook friends for a good book request.

Matt Ryan looks like he uses the word “henceforth” in spoke word.

Matt Ryan looks like he watches the Super Bowl for the commercials.

Matt Ryan looks like he celebrates half-year anniversaries.

Matt Ryan looks like he calls a joint a ‘marijuana cigarette.’

Matt Ryan looks like a guy who has two first names.

Matt Ryan looks like he blew a 28-3 third quarter lead in the Super Bowl.


And from the interwebz:

Poor bastard got nailed to the cross for dressing like a regular human.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.