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Estimated Read Time: 3 minutes and 44 seconds
CHAPTER ELEVEN WEST
Apparel maker, Nine West is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, meaning the company will restructure its business and work with its debtors to pay off the $1B it’s carrying on its balance sheet.
Through bankruptcy, the once prominent shoe brand is looking to sell off the footwear and handbag businesses under its Nine West and Bandolino names. Authentic Brands Group appears to be the main suitor. Payless’ offer of $3k and five BOGO coupons was immediately rejected.
It’s not all doom and gloom for the Sycamore Partners owned apparel company as the jewelry, apparel, and jeanswear businesses have been “profitable and growing,” according to CEO Ralph Schipani.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “If things turn south, they can always pitch a licensing deal for the name of Kanye and Kim’s next kid.”
After weeks of speculation, Deutsche Bank’s board made the decision to replace current CEO John Cryan with Christian Sewing, head of the bank’s commercial and private bank.
Deutsche Bank was working for the weekend to install Mr. Sewing. The board of directors hopes the move will stop the bleeding at one of Europe’s remaining major investment banks.
Replacing Cryan, a banker’s banker, with Sewing, a retail and commercial banking lifer may signal an oft-speculated winding down of the firm’s investment division and possible merger with a European competitor.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “If you thought you had a bad weekend, keep in mind that not only did John Cryan get fired, but he’s managed to do such a piss poor job that they might just say ‘f*ck it’ and shut operations down.”
BIT DON’T KILL MY VIBE
“F*ck you” money affords you many an opportunity. Like buying the dip in dogecoin. Venrock, the Rockefeller family’s VC firm, will team up with CoinFund, a crypto investment group to piss away, er, invest the Robber Barron’s Standard Oil fortune in the emerging technology.
George “New Money” Soros and his namesake fund will also begin investing in cryptocurrencies despite the investor calling them a “bubble” in January. The $26B fund has reportedly not yet made a wager on the digital asset.
Of course, this news comes amid heightened scrutiny on the alternative currencies. Google and Facebook have banned crypto ads and governments around the world are rushing to regulate the “asset.” Bitcoin has plummeted over 50% in 2018 alone.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “John D. Rockefeller has to be thinking “this is why tigers eat their cubs.” His family may as well have invested their fortune in those Princess Diana Beanie Babies.”
IN OTHER NEWS
- Sears and Delta customers may have had their credit card information compromised last year when their online chat support bot partner was hacked. The data appears to have affected less than 100k customers. Speaking of rogue AI bots, whatever happened to Tay?
- US non-farm payrolls grew by 103k in March, missing forecasts, but continuing a 90-month streak of job expansion. That’s just over seven and a half years for those who don’t measure their economic data like parents measure newborn’s age.
- Goldman Sachs plans to attract Silicon Valley engineers with t-shirts and kombucha on tap. Goldman Sach’s new San Francisco office feels a lot more like Pied Piper than Dunder Mifflin.
- Backpage, the notorious sex ad website, was shut down by the FBI. Next up: Craigslist?
- US indices were down Friday:
- DOW: -2.34%
- S&P 500: -2.19%
- NASDAQ: -2.28%
Why we’re applying for jobs at 9:59: Ain’t nobody got time for reading applications after 10 AM. According to science, you’re five times more likely to get a job interview if you apply before 10 AM.
What cures our 2:30 feeling: “Sit down, be humble.” – your boss, while sharing news of your 1.5% raise. This Kendrick Lamar and Dr. Dre mashup (called The Damn. Chronic) is how we’re choosing to drown out Susan from Accounting today. Also suitable for insufferable loud chewers, heavy breathers, and pen tappers.