Donald Trump’s Reason For Not Exercising Is So Ludicrous It’s Actually Brilliant

Hey doctors, guess what? You know all those “studies” that you claimed to be “scientific” about linking exercise with the prevention of  dementia, type 2 diabetes, some cancers, depression, and heart disease? Welp, looks like you’re going to have to go back to the drawing board, because your entire professional existence to this point is a lie.

But don’t take it from me, take it from the most powerful man in the world–Mr. Donald J. Trump. Ya know, the dude that we collectively voted to take the reigns on this country. He thinks exercise is as good for one’s development as a football camp run by Jerry Sandusky.

In an eye-opening New Yorker story titled “How Trump Could Get Fired,” author Evan Osnos writes:

“Other than golf, he considers exercise misguided, arguing that a person, like a battery, is born with a finite amount of energy.”

This isn’t the first time Trump has likened the human body to a non-rechargeable batter. As Vox points out, authors Michael Kranish and Marc Fisher wrote in their 2016 book, Trump Revealed:

After college, after Trump mostly gave up his personal athletic interests, he came to view time spent playing sports as time wasted. Trump believed the human body was like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted. So he didn’t work out. When he learned that John O’Donnell, one of his top casino executives, was training for an Ironman triathlon, he admonished him, “You are going to die young because of this.”

This is a technique we’ve all used at one point or another when we’re too lazy or too dumb to achieve a goal–just say it sucks so it can’t beat you. Classic self-preservation tactic. Oh, I don’t have the physical gifts or self-discipline to run a marathon? Running is for try hard douchebags. Oh I missed two episodes of Game of Thrones in season 3 and now I have no idea what the fuck is going on? GOT is overrated. You can’t lose at something if you never have the balls to take it on. And no one wants to be a loser.

Rare footage of Donald putting in WORK:

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[h/t New Yorker]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.