350-Pound Florida Man Runs Out Of Walmart Holding 2 TVs, Almost Gets Away Until His Pants Fell Off…It Gets Worse
A 350-pound man from Ft. Lauderdale almost got away with the two televisions he grabbed and ran out of Walmart with until Murphy’s Law kicked into effect.
When Columbus Henderson tried to steal two 40-inch TVs and sprint out of Walmart he was nearly scot free before his pants fell off and tripped him up. His pants also contained his identification card which led police to him, ultimately culminating in his arrest. It gets worse for Mr. Henderson, though, upon being arrested the officers found a crack pipe stuff up his anus.
The entire incident is summed up so succinctly and eloquently over on The Smoking Gun with one of the most apropos headlines I’ve seen in 2016 ‘On This Day, Peak Florida Has Been Reached‘:
According to court complaints, Columbus Henderson fled from a Walmart Supercenter in Fort Lauderdale on September 26 with a pair of 40-inch Hisense televisions. Henderson, seen at right, bolted with the merchandise after he allowed a cashier to scan the $298 items.
As he scooted through the parking lot, the 45-year-old Henderson’s pants “fell off as he ran away,” according to Officer Scott Brandow. It appears that after Henderson’s pants fell to his ankles, he proceeded to run right out of the garment.
Police later determined that Henderson’s abandoned pants contained the suspect’s “medical identification.” Investigators added, “The entire incident was captured on video.”
It took cops about a week to catch up with Henderson, who was nabbed early Tuesday morning for grand theft, a felony.
Upon arrival at the Pinellas County jail, Henderson informed officers that he had a crack pipe concealed in his anus. “When officers removed him from the vehicle, the defendant had removed the crack pipe from his anus and dropped it on the ground,” a patrolman reported.
I assume that 99.99% of you bros out there have the location of every country in Florida memorized, but for the 00.01% of you that haven’t I should point out that Pinellas County, where Henderson was apprehended and booked with the crack pipe up his poop shoot, is hundreds of miles away from Ft. Lauderdale where he committed his crimes. So the man with the pipe shoved up his ass led police on a statewide manhunt all over a couple hundred bucks worth of shitty TVs, and wound up cementing his legacy as a ‘Florida Man‘ forever.
…(h/t The Smoking Gun)…