There was a point earlier last week where I was like “Cool, Amanda Bynes is a train wreck again, LET’S WATCH,” but it’s reached the point where it’s not fun anymore and actually kind of painful. Having a weird Twitter? Okay fine, that’s amusing but not awful. Getting engaged to a teenager? Gross but legal, so fine.
But telling InTouch that she wants a dollar a day from every person reading her mind? Uh, yeah, we’ve crossed into “This is sad and I don’t want to watch but I can’t stop” territory. Not only did she barf out the dollar a day for mind reading her mind tidbit, but that there’s also a microchip in her brain and…well…girl’s got some (read: a fuckload) problems.
Amanda talked to herself. She rambled about her desperate need for more plastic surgery. She took off her top to show off her nipple ring. … Sweet and kind, the beautiful star veered wildly from lucid to seemingly imbalanced throughout the day…
She bought diamond earrings without a glance at the price tag, claimed she got straight A’s in psychology and wanted “to do that,” then in the next breath said she’d thought of becoming a plastic surgeon.
I think we can all agree that we’d prefer to have Edward Scissorhands and Michael J. Fox’s illegitimate child perform plastic surgery on us rather than Amanda Bynes. And if there ever was a reason to not combine medical marijuana with Adderall, Bynes admitted that she was on both when she was arrested for her DUI.
In addition to the microchip thing, Bynes told InTouch she has prescriptions for Adderall and medical marijuana, which she was allegedly using when she got arrested for DUI. She also harped on getting a nose job: “I look so hideous. Everyone can use a little plastic surgery.”
Saddest of all, she claims her parents’ conservatorship that recently ended didn’t work out. “I was miserable living with them,” she said. “I would have rather been in jail.”
To be fair, I’d rather be in jail than living with my parents at 28-years-old…oh wait, just kidding. I wouldn’t.