This Breakdown Of Citations And Arrests At Florida Beaches Over Spring Break Is Impressive As Hell

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You fuckers never cease to amaze me. All you have to do to not get arrested during spring break is to not be a drunken asshole in public and yet here we are, with over 1,000 arrests and more than 25,000 calls for service at popular spring break beach destinations in Florida. Are you people shitty drinkers or just incompetent?

Actually, I take all of that back – because I’m both. Er, at least I was while I was on spring break last year. I blacked out so hard that week I only remember Wednesday through Saturday, and considering I paid for an entire week at that condo with all my friends I consider that to be a slight waste of money. Half the week gone, all because I can’t handle my tequila shots.

But then again…I never had the police called on me.

Total Frat Move broke down the arrest/citation numbers for five popular beach destinations in Florida from March 8th to April 10th of this year, aka when college spring breaks occur. Numbers have reportedly been narrowed to the patrol districts populated by college students on spring break, and the overall results are, while shocking, unsurprising:

Calls for Service: 27,550
Total Arrests: 1,929
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 457
Disorderly Conduct: 169
Disorderly/Public Intoxication: 72
Public Lewdness/Indecent Exposure: 8

As for what the shit each individual department had to deal with, Panama City Beach police clearly aren’t getting paid enough:

Panama City Beach Police
Total Calls for Service: 11,629
Total Arrests: 1,098
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 219
Disorderly Conduct: 140
Disorderly Intoxication: 7

Gulf Shores Police Department
Total Calls for Service: 3,951
Total Arrests: 287
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 80
Public Intoxication: 49
Public Lewdness: 2

Escambria County Sheriff’s Office
Total Calls for Service: 1,353
Total Arrests: 173
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 39
Disorderly Conduct: 25
Disorderly Intoxication: 13

Orange Beach Police Department
Total Calls for Service: N/A
Total Arrests: 150
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 114
Public Intoxication: 3
Open House Party: 3

Key West Police Department
Total Calls for Service: 10,617
Total Arrests: 221
Minor in Possession of Alcohol: 4
Disorderly Conduct: 4
Indecent Exposure: 0

Congratulations to everyone who managed to not get arrested and/or die during this past spring break, and as for the rest of you…well, the numbers speak for yourselves. Put your pants back on and find a koozie to hide that beer you’re sippin’ in public, ya scrubs.

[H/T Total Frat Move, header image via Shutterstock]

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