Dartmouth Sorority’s Kentucky Derby-Themed Party Cancelled Because It Was Deemed ‘Offensive’

There’s been a triggering. Have your precious feelings felt it? You probably have no clue that there is something to be deeply “offended” and “outraged” by because you are a well-adjusted human being who does not seek out normal things that you can ridiculously and illogically stretch into being “offensive.” The same can not be said for some students at Dartmouth College.

The Dartmouth sorority Kappa Delta Epsilon (KDE) holds an annual invitation-only party every spring, normally held the same weekend as the Kentucky Derby. Because of the timing and everybody’s love of ludicrous, ginormous hats, the party has a Kentucky Derby theme. Well that sounds like a real hootenanny and a fun time for all!!!


It’s racist.

It’s economically elitist.

But they’re just celebrating a harmless horse race?

Race? More like racist.

You see, horse racing is evil.

KDE vice president Nikol Oydanich explained the wickedness that prompted her sorority to cancel the derby-themed celebration.

“[It is] related to pre-war Southern culture,” she said.

But the inaugural Kentucky Derby did not happen until 1875, which is 10 years after the 13th amendment abolished slavery in the United States was signed into effect on January 31, 1865? I guess we shouldn’t let a little thing like facts get in the way of a good outrage event.

Despite its high sugar content, I love southern sweet ice tea, which is also part of pre-war Southern culture. Must I also never indulge on a refreshing sweet ice tea on a hot summer day or have the possibility of being branded a racist?

“Derby was a party that had the power to upset a lot of our classmates,” Oydanich added. Way to stick to your guns Nikol.

The “outrage” started last year when about 20 Dartmouth students protested outside the party. Dartmouth’s student assembly president was attending the party and got into a shouting match with a protester, which fueled activists to draw up a petition demanding his resignation.

“We realized that if anyone on campus felt uncomfortable or upset with the theme, then we obviously shouldn’t have it,” KDE social chair Jehanna Axelrod said. Can’t have tears flowing from our special snowflakes now can we?

The “outrage” has worked though, this “invitation-only” derby-themed party has been shutdown. After an almost unanimous vote, KDE has ditched the “offensive” derby-themed affair and rebranded it with a a Woodstock theme.

Well that sounds much kinder and gentler, and has absolutely nothing that could offend anyone.

WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! Did you just say “Woodstock?”

The same Woodstock where two people died in 1969? So you want to have a “party” that “celebrates” the death of one man who died from a heroin overdose and a teenager who was crushed to death when a tractor ran him over while he was in a sleeping bag? I’m “offended.”

The Woodstock that in 1999 seemingly promoted rape culture with constant chants of “Show your tits!” to women in the crowd as well as female performers? A dangerous festival that had four alleged instances of sexual assault? Including a woman who was reportedly gang-raped in the mosh pit during Limp Bizkit’s set. This is the type of anti-woman behavior that you want to glorify and have a sorority “party” in honor of?

See, anything can be morphed into something “offensive.” So unless you plan on banning everything on the planet because it has the potential to “offend” someone, somewhere, stop being “offended” by anything and everything.



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