The ‘Avatar’ Sequel Titles Sound Like Knock-Off ‘Game of Thrones’ Books Soaked In Cheap Herbal Tea

20th Century Fox

I give up. I do, I give up. As if 2020 wasn’t already awful enough, it appears we’re now closer to the Avatar sequels than ever, as James Cameron — who has probably spent the last decade researching the sexual tendencies of deep ocean wildlife — is back in New Zealand to continue filming the long-gestating sequels (which is reportedly raising all sorts of hell with the locals).

As a result of the resumed production, the names of said Avatar sequels came across my Twitter feed this morning and left me absolutely floored. Apparently, the titles were confirmed back in February, but since no one gives a remote shit about Avatar — you know, because it’s been eleven years since the original — it didn’t even come across my radar. Trust me, if it did, I would have written about it then with great vengeance and furious anger (bonus point if you got that one). But destiny delayed is not destiny denied, my friends, so all roads lead here.

The youths like to toss around the term cringe-worthy, and while the phrase’s potency may have been dulled in recent years, there are moments when it rings true. My discovery of these sequel titles was one of those moments. I practically cringed through my desk chair. My chest collapsed into itself as my eyes desperately darted to the other side of the room to look away. My balls shriveled down to the proportions of a man who spent the entire afternoon in a 66-degree pool. The Way of Water. The Seed Bearer. The Tulkun Rider. The Quest for Eywa. These sound like cheap herbal teas. Store-brand Game of Thrones books. Scrapped Legend of Zelda games. To be fair, though, they do encapsulate the true spirit of Avatar: preposterousness.

RELATED: The Official ‘Avatar’ Twitter Having Less Than 125K Followers Is My Favorite Thing On The Internet

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Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him eric@brobible.com