Note: This is the edited music video. The real lyrics aren’t “wet and gushy.”
Remember how popular Sir Mixalot’s Baby Got Back was in middle school? Obviously it’s still popular, but I remember that song having its biggest impact on my life in middle school. We—the predominantly white children of my artsy, progressive private school—knew every word to that banger. When it came on at the dances, we went NUTS. Everyone was twerking their 2-dimensional asses against the pads behind the backboards. We knew all the words. The girls would provide the dialogue lead-in: “oh my God, Becky, look at her butt…” while the guys high-fived and pretended like we were about to break dance. The good old days.
I mention this because Baby Got Back came on during a Peloton ride yesterday, and I couldn’t help but think… would this song fly today? Would the world come down on Sir Mixalot for writing the most body-shaming, sexist song of 2020? How is it that we haven’t cancelled him retroactively?
For the record, he body-shames skinny women. The song champions women with curves, albeit in a very thirsty way:
So I’m lookin’ at rock videos
Knock-kneed bimbos walkin’ like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I’ll keep my women like Flo Jo
My anaconda don’t want none
Unless you’ve got buns, hon
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You ain’t it, Miss Thing
Knee-shaming is toxic. A different time, perhaps.
FORTUNATELY, two spectacular female artists have taken back the light from the tone-deaf Mixalot. Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s new song “WAP” makes Mixalot’s “Baby Got Back” look like an in-flight safety briefing. The lyrics to the song are a rollicking good time. Where Mixalot played it safe by espousing the merits of a large buttocks, Cardi and Megan talk about burying men’s noses in their humid vaginas.
Put this pussy right in your face
Swipe your nose like a credit card
Not sure I’d like that, but to each his/her own.
He got a beard, well, I’m tryna wet it
I let him taste it, now he diabetic
I don’t wanna spit, I wanna gulp
I wanna gag, I wanna choke
I want you to touch that lil’ dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat
My head game is fire, punani Dasani
It’s goin’ in dry and it’s comin’ out soggy
Empowering stuff. Going in dry and coming out soggy. What a pitch.
WAP stands for “Wet-ass pussy.” The music video is full of aquatic themes, starting with the opening approach on the mansion with (presumably) vaginal fluid flowing out the doors like the third act of Titanic. From there, it turns into an M.C. Escher meets Willy Wonka dreamscape. The leopard print room is probably my favorite scene, as Cardi’s hair is done in a cool chain-link braid and her shirt, well, explores negative space better than most startup logo designs.
The video is a bounty of color and flexibility, and it’s sure to withstand the test of time. I fully expect my daughter to be singing this song at her middle school dances someday, implying that her private parts have become a sopping, saturated bog through hand gestures and dance moves.
Ah, to be young again.
h/t Genius for the lyrics