Washington Post columnist John Kelly thought he was being helpful to those struggling with their monotonous, continual self-isolation by writing a story suggesting we take a “quarantine vacation” by sleeping in our guest room.
Yeah, that idea didn’t go over very well with the masses.
“Oh look,” I said to My Lovely Wife last weekend after we’d checked into a bed-and-breakfast for a quick getaway. “They have the shampoo I like.”
That’s how Kelly began his article, so right off the bat you know it’s going to be good.
Not that I don’t appreciate the effort. Lockdown has been pretty brutal.
We desperately needed to break up the depressing monotony. So we opted for a change of scenery and a change of mind-set. We packed our clothes and phone chargers and carried them into the bedroom next to ours: the guest bedroom.
Not an Airbnb, an Ourbnb.
“This is nice,” My Lovely Wife said as we inspected the room. It was comfortable, but antiseptic, the way guest rooms in the homes of suburban empty-nesters tend to be.
“I wonder if they have a fitness center,” I said, knowing full well there was a treadmill in the basement.
Cue the outrage…
bich what guest room— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 27, 2020
It's amazing how this pandemic has become rich people shouting at poor people for leaving their homes while they sip cocktails in their "guest rooms".— Pat K (@PKellyMLB) April 27, 2020
How about I just stick my head in the toilet and pretend I’m scuba diving.— Benjamin Compson (@BengyCompson) April 27, 2020
why not just ride your elephant made of gold to the pool house on the other side of your estate??— space chanel no. 5 (@duketurbo) April 27, 2020
you could sleep in the servant's quarters and pretend it's a vacation cottage!— arm the homeless (@PotatoOfDestiny) April 27, 2020
gonna throw myself out the window and pretend I'm skydiving— Commonwealth of Emergency (@BitchWithA_W) April 27, 2020
Sleep in the guest room, yeah— Mayo, Dollop of (@Dollop_of_Mayo) April 27, 2020
Get the maid to put a different brand of chocolate upon the pillow
Jet out to Benu on Tuesdays instead of Thursdays and Per Se on Thursdays instead of Tuesdays
Variety, as they say, is the spice of life!
ah yes, i used to summer on the continent... pic.twitter.com/M9DZHsoHpa— kristine thune (@kristinetuna) April 27, 2020
Does falling asleep in the living room (the “guest room”) on the couch while binging Netflix amid the quarantine count as following this advice? Asking for a friend...— Miranda Yaver (@mirandayaver) April 27, 2020
The bed in the writers “guest room” pic.twitter.com/9cFqYE38TY— D.D. Havana Nights! (@dirtydancing2HN) April 27, 2020
Do you have any good life hacks for when you can't buy bread— Clefairy S. Truman (@bagshotrow) April 27, 2020