Are you an aspiring chef or just a student of the culinary arts who has a passion for cooking and wants to stay abreast of the latest gastronomic trends? Well, strap in because the possible next “hot trend” in the culinary world could be something called “mouth cooking.” This particular food preparation is where the “chef” chops up food by chewing it in their mouth and then spits it out. No, really, that is how this individual prepares a meal for others. She baby birds the food for her guests. How considerate.
In a video titled “Cooking With Your Mouth,” a woman prepares a stuffing by utilizing her teeth instead of a cutting board and a knife. She stuffs raw onion, garlic, carrots, and other foodstuffs into her mouth, chews it into small pieces, then spits it out into a bowl. She spits it out like her name is Ugandan Knuckles. Do you know who else chews their food, regurgitates it, then chews it again? Cows. People aren’t cows. She then stuffs a turkey with the chewed vegetables because it’s only January 14th and 2018 is already fucked. This sounds like some Gwyneth Paltrow nonsense.
Fun fact, humans can catch syphilis, bacterial meningitis, infectious mononucleosis, and gingivitis from swapping saliva. The creator of this nauseating clip is 29-year-old Australian video artist Nathan Ceddia. Do they not have knives in Australia? Do they not also have food processors in Australia?
“The idea [for “Cooking With Your Mouth”] came to me when I was in my friend’s kitchen, having a meal,” Ceddia told The Atlantic. “My friend was trying to find some utensils and I said, ‘Well if you don’t have utensils, why don’t you use your mouth?’ What’s the sharpest tool in the kitchen right now? It’s our teeth.” Do you know who else chews their food, regurgitates it, then feeds it to their loved ones? Birds. People aren’t birds.
“Gloria, this stuffing is absolutely divine, you must give me the recipe.” Well Jim, I use red peppers, onion, sourdough bread, garlic, and my special ingredient – spit.” Does spit add flavor? Thanks for dinner and herpes. You enjoy your mouth-cooked meal and make sure you wash it all down with some raw water.