A Top Secret Government Agency Is Desperately Searching For An Underground Lair That DEFINITELY Isn’t Going To Be Used To Access The Upside Down

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Last month, hundreds of thousands of people announced their intention to flock to Nevada and storm Area 51 in September in an attempt to see what things the government has been hiding from us all this time (even though there’s a good chance one of those things is a weapon capable of stopping masses of people from storming Area 51).

People have spent decades speculating about what lies within the gates of the nation’s most mysterious military base but the powers that be have done a pretty good job keeping a lid on things and shown they’re more than happy to go to any and all necessary lengths to keep their secrets a secret.

I’m assuming there are some conspiracy theorists out there who crushed their tinfoil hat into a ball in frustration when they learned the Area 51 raid had been rebranded as a music festival, but with that said, it might be time for them to fashion a new one thanks to a story that started to circulate earlier this week.

On Wednesday, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA)—which is known for being about as transparent as a window smeared with monkey shit—hopped on Twitter to casually announce it was in search of a series of underground tunnels where it could conduct some unspecified research.

More than a few people immediately began to speculate DARPA was planning to do some experiments straight out of Stranger Things but the agency firmly denied it had any interest in the Upside Down (which is exactly what someone who has a ton of interest in the Upside Down would say).

It appears DARPA is still looking for a suitable location, so if you have one in mind (and are alright with potentially helping to trigger the apocalypse) be sure to get your suggestion in by the end of the day.