In the third week of self-isolation, I started to teach myself to play the guitar.
Almost four months later and I’m still terrible. I don’t practice often or for long enough but I do know the first few chords of a few songs, enough to make it look like I play the guitar. And that’s all I really need.
I need to know enough so that when people come over and see the guitar in my living and ask, “do you play?”, I can pick it up and make it seem like I’m not that bad.
I use this same philosophy for parenting. I don’t have to know what I’m doing, I just need to fool people into thinking I know what I’m doing in case I’m put on the spot.
Hopefully, my children don’t grow up to be as awful as my guitar playing.
Here are 25 funny tweets and memes from dads who make it seem like they know what they’re doing and a few who seem pretty damn clueless.
I've started serving my kids their meals on these colorful plastic trays. They're easy to clean, keep the different foods from "touching," and prepare them for an inevitable life in prison. pic.twitter.com/9J7fkKyc3c
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 7, 2020
every kid's matchbox car collection is full of flaming hot rods with pimped out custom exhausts, monster trucks, high-end sports cars and one 2002 honda accord
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) July 9, 2020
3yo: dad I’m swimming!
Me: amazing but try not to drink so much of the water!
3yo: I keep drinking the water!
Me: I know don’t drink the water!
3yo: I just drank more of the water!
Me: please stop drinking the water!
3yo: my belly hurts!
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 8, 2020
kid: what's ur super hero name
me: i don't know man
kid: that name sucks
— james (@videojames_) July 9, 2020
I keep getting Facebook ads from Men’s Warehouse and I’m like bro, I’m not even sure I’m gonna wear pants again let alone a 3-piece suit.
— dADDisms (@Beagz) July 10, 2020
My wife got mad at me for buying the family size pack of oreos for just the two of us and I was like are we or are we not a family
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) July 10, 2020
A video game idea that's like Tetris for Dad's but it's called "Pack-this" and you try to see how many suitcases and other items you can pack into the back of a mini-van and still close the door.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 9, 2020
True story: I just had to text my wife that I panicked at the pie store and bought all the pies.
She seems to think this is a way bigger problem than I do.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) July 8, 2020
Has anyone tried lighting a fall scented candle to fix 2020 yet?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 8, 2020
Me: Hey, do you wanna play Nintendo?
Dad: Actually that's a Super Nintendo, it's the newer version improved in practically every way.
Me Got it.
Dad: Where's mom?
Me: Visiting Super Dad.
— President Warren G. Harding (@PopeAwesomeXIII) July 9, 2020
10-year-old: I accidentally ate all the snacks.
Me: How is that an accident?
10: No one stopped me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2020
As a native Floridian, I can confirm this is true. pic.twitter.com/cfgAprZtPb
— Cass Anderson (@casspa) July 9, 2020