In July of 2018, I left my polarized Ray Bans at Spumoni Gardens pizza joint in Brooklyn and a part of me still hates myself for it, among other mindless mistakes I’ve made in my pathetic excuse for a life.
Now, when I wallow in the depths of self-hatred, I will remind myself that Stefan Thomas exists.
The German-born programmer living in San Francisco has used 8 of the 10 password attempts allowed by the thumb drive, and has come up empty-handed every time: “I would just lay in bed and think about it,” Thomas told the New York Times. “Then I would go to the computer with some new strategy, and it wouldn’t work, and I would be desperate again.”
A painful memory. I hope others can learn from my mistakes. Test your backups regularly to make sure they are still working. An ounce of foresight could have prevented a decade of regret.
— Stefan Thomas (@justmoon) January 12, 2021
Now, as the last grains of potential riches slip through his helpless fingers, Thomas claims his desperation has morphed into serenity.
In an interview with KGO-TV, he said that the mere thought of losing that much money had previously made him “sort of question your own self-worth.” He has since “made peace” with the fact 7,002 bitcoin at $40,000 apiece will likely be forever locked behind a series of keystrokes.
“It was actually a really big milestone in my life where, like, I sort of realized how I was going to define my self-worth going forward,” he said. “It wasn’t going to be about how much money I have in my bank account.”
Thomas somehow managed to say this without breaking down in tears.
If you don’t write down your lil password for $220 million you don’t deserve that money. I mean, no one deserves that much money, but if this is you…. you get what you deserve e. https://t.co/SBLamuoICG
— roxane gay (@rgay) January 13, 2021
Thank you for the input, Roxane. Would you also like to kick him in the nuts with a steel-toed boot?