Imagine a time, perhaps hundreds of years from now, when our so-called civil society reverts back to a day when we didn’t know squat about making it in this world. No, we’re not talking about when the majority of America voted in a great orange goon and gave him a pair of clown shoes and the key to the White House, we’re talking about the days when humankind was still out there trying to learn how to build a fire for heat, wipe their asses, and basically figure out how to get through each and every day without being devoured by rabid animals or snuffed out by a plague. Now, let’s just say that this degradation was all because we have smoked so much marijuana over the years that it has completely distorted our DNA and set the future generations up for a level of duncedom that, presumably, could lead to the end of intelligent kind from now until the bitter end. Well, boys, we hate to break it to you, but if a new study holds any weight, all of the children that our little peter seeds put on this planet are doomed for the dumb.
Scientists with the University of Washington’s Social Development Research Group claim to have found evidence that a parent’s pot use – no matter if it is past or present — could turn their kids and the generations-to-come into slobbering idiots. The study, which was published in the journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, suggests that THC and other cannabinoids somehow infiltrate our sperm and put it on a dipshit installment plan that is destined to infect those who are not yet born.
It also makes our offspring more likely to use marijuana and other drugs, researchers said. To that end, it perpetuates an imbecilic nature that will inevitably leave humanity face down in a short-bus-cesspool to drown in.
“Using marijuana in adolescence is associated with a host of other problems in the present and later into adulthood,” said lead study author Marina Epstein. “Now we see that echoing through to their children.”
Some studies have indeed emerged over the years showing that younger people who use marijuana regularly can sometimes have lower IQs than their non-toking counterparts. But to the best of our knowledge, this is the first time that scientific minds have discovered a link between marijuana use and the dulling down of the next generations. Think about that when visiting the folks over the holidays. Be sure to either give thanks to them for being lame and not smoking weed back in the 1960s and 70s, or curse their very name over the giblet gravy for being stoners who did not give you a fair shake in life. Either way is bound to make for exciting dinner conversation.
Still, it is worth pointing out that all of the studies showing a decline in IQ points associated with marijuana use typically fail to take into consideration other critical factors. Many others have even found flaws in the research that so adamantly asserts that pot makes people dumb. Some show that it is actually alcohol use that has a strong connection to lower IQ points, not weed.
But it’s not like marijuana users are all scholars either. People who use weed regularly have been shown to have weaker educational performance than those who never partake. But the thing is, no one is arguing that dedicating one’s life to the doobie as a teen is the best way to forge a path to winning a Nobel Prize or anything. But it is all a matter of perspective. After all, there are legions of successful people in this world who not only presently smoke marijuana but have been doing it since they crawled out of the womb. Sometimes life itself just proves science wrong.
As for the latest study, let’s just say that it is a bit of a stretch to imply that our pot consumption today, something that around 55 million people across the U.S. admit to doing, is creating a situation where our children are cursed to become idiots and imbeciles. Nevertheless, other scientists are standing by the results of this study, arguing that legalization is wrong if we want to ensure a future of bright individuals. “It is clear – this drug makes our teens, our future generations, less smart,” said Dr. Miriam Adelson, who was not associated with the UW research team.
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