It appears that either Pope Francis is a hologram or he’s quarantining with Chris Fucking Angel, because any rationale outside these two options cannot explain what the world saw from a window in Vatican City Tuesday.
The Pope stepped to the window to honor the victims of the Tom Hanks Disease, and as he turned to walk away, he vanished into thin air. Like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank. Like a fart in the wind. Like the Tinder date I made split the bill.
They say isolation breeds insanity, so I considered the disappearing act to be a product of a global collective delusion, but the evidence indicates the Pope was raptured, or there was never any Pope to begin with.
Don’t believe anything without inspection, sheeple. Are we sure Tom Hanks reallllly hosted SNL from home last week? Technology and deep fakes can and have been used to deceive the public. Don’t be caught on the wrong side of history.
The Pope is a hologram. Tom Hanks is a fraud. And I have no idea what day it is.