iStockphoto / Oleksandr Filon
The streets are clean thanks to the brave boys in blue in Massachusetts. Okay, well, the streets are not literally clean because the criminal crapper defecated eight times, but they are figuratively clean after police arrested a serial pooper in the Bay State.
We take you to Ashland, Massachusetts, a town that was plagued by a serial shitter. The mystery mud maker marked their territory by pooping at least eight times in the span of a month, starting in early December. The Deuce Bigalow consistently took a dump in the same parking lot of a store.
“At first, [workers] thought it was an animal, but then they noticed toilet paper and other wipes — items animals would not have access to,” said police spokeswoman Lt. Cara Rossi.
The town was terrorized; citizens were afraid to take their eyes off the pavement in fear of stepping in a fudge puddle. The authorities were not about to let their community go to shit. Locals even gave the human crap factory a nickname, “Parking Lot Pooper.”
Cops caught the copious crapper crouching and pinching a loaf in front of the Natick Outdoor Store on Wednesday morning. Plot twist: The prolific pooper was a lady!
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What can brown do for you? Apparently, if you do the doo in public, it can get you locked up. Police arrested Andrea Grocer for defecating in public. The 51-year-old was arrested by an undercover police officer who was staking out the area for the pooper.
https://twitter.com/MikeNBCBoston/status/1220427525773504512
Ironically, Grocer’s mugshot appears like she still going.
Just before 7 a.m., the cop spotted squatting and popping in the parking lot outside of her 2018 Lincoln MKX SUV (You never expect serial shitters to own a $45,000 luxury SUV). The officer asked Andrea why she was defecating in the parking lot, and she responded that she has irritable bowel syndrome, which you’d have to be a heartless animal to not have sympathy for anyone suffering from IBS. She also said that she uses the laxative Miralax, which is quite the endorsement coming from a local celebrity such as Andrea Grocer.
However, the police officer noted that Andrea waited approximately 10 minutes for a nearby train and other traffic to empty out before she emptied out. The officer pointed out that in that period, Grocer could have easily used the public restrooms that are nearby.
Andrea told the cop that she was on her way to her job as a nanny. The police contacted her employer, and they said that Grocer was more than welcome to use their bathroom to alleviate her issues.
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One person in particular who had had it up to here with Andrea’s shit is Henry Kanner, who is the owner of the Natick Outdoor Store.
“I’m so happy they arrested her,” Kanner said. “I have no idea who she is. This has been ongoing. She has defecated quite often over here. There’s nothing more disgusting coming into your parking lot in the morning and seeing a pile of human excrement.”
Andrea Grocer was charged with wanton destruction of property, and released without bail. She has a court date of March 2.
Let’s take a moment to celebrate this pioneer for gender equality, this woman is smashing the glass ceiling of serial poopers. One hot dookie at a time, this female social justice warrior is bravely taking down prejudiced gender stereotypes that only men are public poopers. Take that patriarchy! Women can shit in public just as good as men! Andrea Grocer is the Susan B. Anthony of serial poopers.
You can read more strange news HERE.
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[NYP]