Antonio Brown is just like you and me. Granted, we aren’t four time Pro Bowlers and can’t run 4.4 40, but we are all eighth graders at a school dance when it comes to unwanted boners. Christina DeLuca grazed my leg during ‘Stairway to Heaven’ in 1997 and my penis turned blue for three days. Even told my friends that I lost my virginity that night.
It makes me feel like less of a loser to hear that one of the best receivers in the game fights off hard-ons while preparing for his Dancing with the Stars performance. So what if his dance partner is professionally trained smoke pistol Sharna Burgess who can move like a sheet of paper in a tornado, he is me and I am him.
There’s no shame in that Antonio. I suggest doubling up on the boxer briefs. Or just free ball it and let Sharna know you’re playing for keeps. That’s the power move.
Or ask to switch partners.
[h/t Busted Coverage]