Programming Note: Is there anything less chill than autostart videos on the internet? No there is not, which is why we will be kicking off each column this year with one.
But on the plus side, if you don’t feel like reading, you can get your rankings in video form.
Game of Thrones is back, Bros, and with it comes a shit ton of not chill things. Death. Betrayal. Unexpected old person nudity. It’s kind of like life in that sense. A lot of bullshit happens all the time, but then some not bullshit happens, and that’s what we live for. The not bullshit. The word. You know what the fuck I’m talking about. We did this last season.
I’m talking about the chill.
So who was chill this week? Well, first, the not so chill Bros from Episode One: The Red Woman
Is there anything less chill then telling someone you are going to go resuce their daughter then come back with them dead?
Chill Bro Points: -2,000
These Two Idiot Dothraki Bros
Dude, your boss is trying to mack on a prisoner. Chill the fuck out with the wisecracks.
Chill Bro Points: -200
This Bernie Sanders Mother Fucker
Yea, that’s exactly what Game of Thrones needs. Bernie Fucking Sanders.
Chill Bro Points: -50
Now, the moment you’ve been waiting a year for. The Chill Bros.
5. Daario Naharis and Jorah Mormont’s Horses
Horses don’t get enough props in my book for being chill. They don’t talk ever and they usually do whatever you say. How can you hate on that?
Chill Bro Points: 50
4. Ser Robert Strong
“nm jus chillin u?”
Chill Bro Points: 100
3. The Waif
In most circumstances, hitting a blind person with a stick would not be chill. But this was.
Chill Bro Points: 175
2. Roose Bolton
Calling your son a fuck dick for being a fuck dick is a chill thing to do.
Chill Bro Points: 200
1. Ellaria Sand
I know last season I said regicide wasn’t chill, but come on. That was some chill ass regicide.
She basically Order 66’ed all of Dorne.
Chill Bro Points: 2,000
Get your ass to the comments.