I’m A Tad Jealous Of The Life That Leonardo DiCaprio’s Fat Russian Doppelganger Has Been Living

Leonardo DiCaprio pretty much is who every bro aspires to be. Good actor, decent hair, great movies, hot girlfriends. I’m not sure what else a guy needs in his life. Hell, if I could have parts one, three and four but have to be bald, I’d shave my head before the offer was even fully laid out. And I wouldn’t just use a razor. I’d go full bald head. I’d douse that shit in motor oil and light it up to make sure I got all the way down the follicles.

That being said, I also assume that most people know the difference between Leo and some guy who just looks like him. Which I guess is true in America, but apparently not Russia, as some guy who is Leo’s fat look-alike has essentially become a celebrity because of it.

Via Vanity Fair:

“This past February, just as Leonardo DiCaprio was circling his Oscar, the Internet introduced us to a 33-year-old Russian security guard named Roman Burtsev who bears a striking resemblance to the Titanic star. While we might have cursed the gods for giving us the face of a movie star— without the talent, money, or Victoria’s Secret girlfriends to match—young “bootleg Leo” Burtsev leaned into the resemblance.”

Faux-Leo’s newfound fame has all led to him starring in a new vodka commercial about being fake or some shit. I don’t know. I had trouble following it, personally.

This whole situation gives me hope. Can we all just become superstars for being the fatter version of one? I kind of look like Nick Jonas would if he participated in bar crawls everyday for three months. Do I get to make out with Tove Lo on camera and go on tour with Demi Lovato? Even the fatter versions of them. I think that’s the real goal here. To create a subset of Hollywood where are the fat versions of celebrities can go bang each other and get paid to be made fun. I’d go on the fat version of Jimmy Kimmel’s late night talk show to be called fat as long as I’m getting paid and go home to the fat version of Jennifer Lawrence. I’m not too proud for that.