Madonna Begs ‘Someone Please F*ck Me’ During Glorious Concert Meltdown

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Dude, Madonna wants us to fuck her. Check that, Madonna needs us to fuck her.

Maybe at the same time, or maybe I’ll patiently wait my turn in the living room and throw on some Netflix while you slap skins with the pop icon. Shouldn’t take more than 7 minutes knowing you, bro. You set ’em up, I knock ’em down. And by ‘knock em down’ I mean lay on her like a pancake while in the missionary position because my triceps are too weak to hold myself up.

Regardless of the logistics, the 57-year-old suffered a boozy onstage meltdown while performing  at the Rod Laver Arena show in Melbourne, Australia. At one point, she grabbed a fan’s flask and took a swig out of it before revealing that she “messed up” her own songs.

She even fell off a tricycle.

On second thought, you may want to wait until she’s sober to do the boinky boinky.

[h/t Daily Mail]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.