Blake Shelton Is Getting Slammed After Fans Uncover Old Tweets Ranging From Racism To Fantasizing About Dakota Fanning

I’m not a country guy. The only reason I know who Blake Shelton is is because he’s all over my television screen and my mom masturbates to him. So Blake and I are already starting off on the wrong foot.

Blake has put himself further on my shit list after fans uncovered some boneheaded tweets he made 5 years ago. The tweets have since been deleted from his account, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned making a living as a blogger, it’s that the internet never forgets. Especially when you have 17.7 million followers.

This. This right here. You can’t say.

Ok, I laughed at this one before I remembered it was malicious and totally uncalled for.

Oh, cuz of the rainbow thing. I get it, Blake. I get it.

I own a pair of Chucks. And cucumbers are a delicious addition to a garden salad.

Dakota Fanning was 16 in 2011. She hadn’t even got her learner’s permit yet.

You shade Britney, Blake. You shade all of us.

Oh, he’s reformed. Nevermind.

Regardless, once my mom catches wind of these tweets, she’s going to have to find a new dude on The Voice to masturbate to.

Oh God no.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.