Fashion people are so full of crap. They declare trends from an ivory tower of smug, like arbiters of cool. Fashion is the anti-Bro.
But there’s good news for Bros who are all about the #sandallife during the summer. Fashion people have declared Tevas — the ultimate summer river shoe — to be back. The Tevas renaissance comes as part of something called “ugly-chic” footwear trend, which is the single douchiest thing I’ve ever heard.
Good thing I put Tevas on my list of 12 shoes every man needs in his closet.
This is tremendous news, but real Bros know that Tevas never really went out of style. Last summer Drew Millard wrote a rad defense of Tevas for Four Pins titled “Tevas Are Dope, Fuck You.” It gets all of my respect:
I bought some Tevas about a month ago, more or less on a whim, and they’re easily the most divisive item of clothing I’ve ever owned. People will either be fucking AMPED that you’re wearing them or they seem weirdly personally offended. Honestly, it’s pretty great.
The people in Column A (the non-h8r column) are hereby excused from reading this because they already know the rest of this. All you Column B-residing ass h8rz, however, need to stick around because I’m about to put on my Menswear Fedora™ and teach you bitches a thing or two about fashion.
People who get mad about Tevas are, in effect, mad at themselves—mad that their feet are sweating like crazy in the heat, mad that they’re not confident enough in their bodies to show their feet to the world, mad that their feet are not equipped to, at the drop of a hat, go climb a motherfucking mountain or go on a nature hike or potentially even engage in hand-to-hand combat on a sand dune. You know, true player shit that all Teva wearers are able to do whenevs.
Yeah, I get it, Tevas are kind of lame, but that’s also why they’re kind of perfect. They’re the footwear equivalent of that giant La-Z-Boy you fought tooth and nail with your girlfriend to keep in the house. Yes, they’re ugly as shit, but with Tevas, it’s not about anyone else. It’s about you, your comfort and your preference. Strapping a pair of Tevas onto your feet lets the world know that you’ll be humming along with absolutely zero fucks left in your fuck-giving tank, and if the rest of the world doesn’t like it, they can go jump in a hole.
Yes, yes, yes! For Bros, life is all about looking good, being comfortable in your own skin, and not giving a single, solitary care what other people think about you. If you want to wear some Tevas with neon gekkos all over them, wear the hell of out of those Tevas.
This is especially true when it comes to summer footwear. Fashion blogs love to make bold declarations about what’s “in” and what’s not, but they mostly end up looking like massive tools. Take this douchey declaration from the blogger who runs The Fashion Guitar (wtf kind of name is that?) in a Wall Street Journal trend piece about Birkenstocks. This comment caused me to eye-roll HARD when I read it the other day.
“I already know that our customers won’t be buying this shoe next summer,” she says. “Last year was the summer of a trend setter, this year a follower.” She adds: “Next year…my mom.”
Indeed, hard-core fashionistas seem to have kicked the Birkenstock habit—no matter how good they are for your feet.
“I’m over Birkenstocks for now,” says Charlotte Groeneveld, a blogger who runs thefashionguitar.com. After all, she says, “comfortable isn’t what fashion is about.”
Charlotte, you’re caring too much.
Proudly rock them and disregard what anyone else thinks.